08/07/2022 from Daily Jokes
#16274
Thomas is 32 years old and he is still single.
One day a friend asked,
“Why aren’t you married? Can’t you find a woman who will be a good wife?”
Thomas replied,
“Actually, I’ve found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn’t like them.”
His friend thinks for a moment and says,
“I’ve got the perfect solution, just find a girl who’s just like your mother.”
A few months later they meet again and his friend says,
“Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?”
With a frown on his face, Thomas answers,
“Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much.”
The friend said, “Then what’s the problem?”
Thomas replied,
“My father doesn’t like her.”
08/06/2022 from Daily Jokes
#16269
A woman goes to the store to buy a parrot as a family pet.
As she walks into the pet shop, she asks the owner,
“How much are your parrots?”
The owner replies,
“The orange one is $150, the yellow one is $150 and the red one is $30.”
The woman asks,
“Why is the red one so cheap?”
The owner replies,
“He used to work at a strip club.”
The woman decides to buy the parrot and brings it home to the family.
After bringing it home the parrot says
“wow, you have a lovely house.”
The wife then introduces him to the children.
The parrot says
“You have very nice children.”
Finally, when the wife introduces him to her husband, the parrot says,
“I haven’t seen him since last week!”
08/05/2022 from Daily Jokes
#16265
A rabbit, a fox and a bear were about to be drafted into the forest military.
First, the recruiters came to Mr Rabbit’s home.
– Knock-knock
– Who is it?
– We’re the recruiters, we want to draft you to the army.
Mr Rabbit thought fast and he cut off his thumb. Then he opened the door.
– Mr Rabbit, we need you to join the army.
– I can’t, I don’t have a thumb.
The main recruiter turned to his assistant and said:
– Write down: Mr Rabbit has no thumb.
After that, the recruiters went to Mr Fox’s home.
– Knock-knock
– Who is it?
– We’re the recruiters, we want to draft you to the army.
Mr Fox panicked a bit and then he cut off his tail. He opened the door for the recruiters.
– Mr Fox, we need you to join the army.
– I can’t, I don’t have a tail.
The main recruiter then turned to his assistant and said:
– Write down: Mr Fox has no tail.
After that, the recruiters went to Mr Bear’s home.
– Knock-knock
– Who is it?
– We’re the recruiters, we want to draft you to the army.
Mr Bear panicked and he cut off his p3n!s. He opened the door for the recruiters.
– Mr Bear, we need you to j… Oh, sorry!
The main recruiter then turned to his assistant and said:
– Write down: Mr Bear has flat feet.
08/04/2022 from Daily Jokes
#16262
A respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said,
‘I would like to buy some cyanide’
The pharmacist asked,
‘Why in the world do you need cyanide?’
The lady replied,
‘I need it to poison my husband.’
The pharmacist’s eyes got big and he exclaimed,
‘Lord have mercy! I can’t give you cyanide to kill your husband. That’s against the law! I’ll lose my license! They’ll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CAN NOT have any cyanide!’
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist’s wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied,
‘Well now, that’s different.
You didn’t tell me you had a prescription.
08/03/2022 from Daily Jokes
#16259
A Zebra, pondering his life, sips water at the edge of a river….when a crocodile snaps up, bites the Zebras head and kills the zebra…
The zebra’s soul goes to heaven where St Peter meets the zebra to welcome his heaven.
The Zebra says…
“you know, I died because I was sitting there pondering if I was white with black stripes…..or black with white stripes. “
St Peter says..” well the only person who can answer that is God. Go see Him.”
The zebra follows signs to see God, and when it’s his turn he asks God…
.”Am I white with black stripes …or am I black with white stripes? “
God answers in a booming voice….
”You Are, What You Are….Next!”
As the Zebra walks out of Gods room he’s pondering what the heck just happened…and St Peter happens to walk by.
“Hey zebra, did you ask God your question?”
The zebra says….
”yes, I asked God…am I white with black stripes or black with white stripes…and God only said ‘you are what you are”
St Peter says ”that’s fantastic, there you go …you’re White with black stripes!”
The zebra asks “ how do you figure”
St Peter states
“ well, if you were Black with white stripes, God would have said You is what You is”