09/28/2022 from Daily Jokes
#16452
One day a 12-year-old boy was walking down the street when a car pulled up beside him and the driver lowered a window.
“I’ll give you a large bag of M&Ms if you get in the car,” said the driver.
“No way! Get lost!” replied the boy.
“How about a bag of M&Ms and 10 dollars?” the driver asked.
“I said no way,” replied the boy.
“What about a bag of M&Ms and 50 dollars?” asked the driver.
“No, I’m not getting in the car,” answered the boy.
“Okay, I’ll give you a bag of M&Ms and 100 dollars,” the driver offered.
“No!” replied the boy. “What will it take to get you in the car?” asked the driver.
The boy replied: “Listen, Dad: You bought the Volvo-you live with it!”
09/27/2022 from Daily Jokes
#16448
An 80-year-old woman walks into a tattoo shop, looks directly at the artist and says
“I want to get a tattoo”.
The artist hesitantly replies
“Well, ok where would you like this tattoo?”
Old lady: “actually I want two, one on the inside of my left thigh and one and the inside of my right thigh”
Artist: “you know how much this will hurt? Are you really sure you want them there?”
Old lady barks at him: “of course I know that’s where I want them! I don’t care how much it will hurt!”
Artist: “okay, whatever you want then. Let’s take a look at art the art book to see if there is something you want.”
Old lady: “I already know what I want. I want a Christmas tree on my left thigh, and a turkey on my right thigh”
Artist: “uhhhh ok, I will do that, but could you answer me as to why you would want such a thing?”
Old lady: “because in sick of my husband complaining there is nothing to eat between Christmas and Thanksgiving!
09/26/2022 from Daily Jokes
#16445
A woman goes out shopping with her husband and spots a pair of shoes she likes and must have…
The husband says,
“No f*cking chance love, They’re too expensive!”
Later on that night in bed,
The wife is just falling off to sleep when the husband tries his luck and places his hands on her hips….
She turns to him and says,
“No f*cking chance love, If you aint prepared to shoe the horse then you aint f*ckin riding it!!”
09/25/2022 from Daily Jokes
#16442
An old French lady had a small shop in her village for years until one day a huge corporate supermarket set up across the road from her little shop:
They put up signs advertising their prices, including one that said: Butter – 10 euros
In response, the old lady added a sign to her own window: Butter – 9 euros
The next day, the big supermarket had a new sign: Butter – 8 euros
Sure enough, the day after the lady’s sign now read: Butter – 7 euros
This went on for a while until eventually one of the lady’s customers pointed to the sign and said.
“Madame, you cannot keep your prices so low for long. These big companies can use their buying power to sell products cheaper, but a little store like yours can never compete.”
In response, the old lady bent forward conspiratorially and muttered.
“Monsieur, I don’t even sell butter.”
09/24/2022 from Daily Jokes
#16438
A man just came back from a journey that lasted one week.
He sat down, looking tired, & unhappy.
His 3-year-old daughter came to him and goes:
Daddy, Mummy has just gone out.”
Daddy: “Where has she gone to?
Baby: “To do her hair”.
Daddy: “OK”.
Baby: “Daddy, are you annoyed.”
Daddy: “Not at all. Why do you ask?
Baby: Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, if you smile to me now I will tell you who sleeps with Mummy on her bed each time you travel.”
The man became very anxious, breathing heavily and his heart was just pounding, believing that the cat was going to be let out of the bag.
He quickly oozed out a very broad smile, hugged the small girl pulled her closer to himself.
Daddy: “Oya tell me now, I’ve smiled. You want me to smile again.”
He kept on smiling.
Baby: Smiled, jumped up twice & said. Daddy, it’s me. And I have stopped urinating on Mommy’s bed…