10/13/2022 from Daily Jokes
#16512
A farmer decides its time to tell his son how he breeds the animals.
He explains about the cows and the bull, the mares and the stallion and the ewes and the ram.
But he also decides to tell his boy about their one lame pig.
‘Unfortunately she can’t walk far, so when she’s in heat I put her in the wheelbarrow and cart her down to my friend’s farm for some alone time with his boar’.
A few weeks go by, and the boy is looking out the window.
He says ‘dad, the pig is in heat’
The farmer peeps over his newspaper to look at his boy and says
‘how can you possibly know that from just looking out the window’
‘Well’ says the boy,
‘she’s in the wheelbarrow’
10/12/2022 from Daily Jokes
#16510
A newly ordained priest is nervous about hearing confessions and asks an older priest to observe one of his sessions to give him some tips.
After a few minutes of listening, the old priest suggests that they have a word.
“I’ve got a few suggestions,” he says.
“Try folding your arms over your chest and rub your chin with one hand.”
The new priest tries this.
“Very good,” says his senior.
“Now try saying things like ‘I see’,
‘I understand’ and ‘Yes, go on.’”
The younger priest practices these sayings, too.
“Well done,” says the older priest.
“Don’t you think that’s better than slapping your knee and saying: No way! What happened next?”
10/11/2022 from Daily Jokes
#16508
An old cattle farmer is being helped by the local vet with his herd of cows and bulls.
It is breeding season and some of his older bulls are having a bit of a hard time performing.
These are top-of-the-line studs, but age is finally catching up with the bulls.
The farmer laments to the vet
“Well, I guess it looks like these old boys are going to be sent off to the meatpackers this year”
He is none too happy, but cattle life is rough and you have to keep the herd growing.
The vet looks over the older bulls
“Mmm, I don’t know if they are that far gone yet, do you mind if I try something out?”
The farmer agrees and the vet gets to work.
He begins working his hands into the waiting cow’s nether regions, getting his hands all sloppy when he is good and dripping, he approaches the bulls and starts to smear the goop on their noses.
He does this a couple of times and wouldn’t you know it, the bulls begin to become aroused and within moments they are chasing after the cows.
The farmer is delighted and he pays the vet a little extra for the new trick.
Come that evening he is laying in bed with his wife, it has been a pretty long time since they have had s*x, the spirit is willing but his flesh has grown weak.
As he lays there in the dark, he begins to think about his day and soon he is struck with the similarity between himself and the old bulls.
So he reaches over and begins to rub his wife’s vag!na, brings his hand to his face, inhales deeply and repeats the process a few times.
Wouldn’t you know it, the old man’s body begins to respond and he is elated, he hasn’t been this hard since his early 30s. It is amazing!
Thinking that finally, he can have s*x again he turns on the light and begins to shake his wife awake,
“honey… HONEY… you’ve got to see this…. “
She rolls over
“Ah for f*ck sake, you woke me up to show me you have a Wet nose?”
10/10/2022 from Daily Jokes
#16504
A boy was cycling with a basket of eggs on it.
He hit a stone and fell down along with the cycle.
The eggs also fell down and broke.
A crowd gathered around the boy.
As usual, free advice started flowing from the onlookers
“Couldn’t you be more careful?”
“What is this, you are cycling, casually without attention?”
An old man approached the crowd saw what had happened and said
“Poor fellow this boy has to answer the Owner of the shop . Ok I will help him, as much as I can”…… saying this handed over Rs500/- to the boy.
And also said, “These onlookers are good people, they will not only give advice, but they will help you by giving money also, accept their help”.
The onlookers observing the sayings of the old man and his actions gave money to the boy.
The boy was very happy since the money collected was much more than the value of the eggs broken.
One of the onlookers asked the boy
“Young man if that old man was not around, I do not know what difficulties you would have faced with your owner”
The boy smiled and replied
“Sir, that old man is the owner of the shop, where I work.
10/09/2022 from Daily Jokes
#16502
A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other if it is s*x after death.
Their biggest fear was that there was no afterlife at all.
After a long life together, the husband was the first to die.
True to his word, he made the first contact:
” Marion… Marion “
“Is that you, Bob?”
“Yes, I’ve come back as we agreed.”
“That’s wonderful! What’s it like?”
“Well, I get up in the morning, I have s*x. I have breakfast and then it’s off to the golf course.
I have s*x again, bathe in the warm sun and then have s*x a couple of more times.
Then I have lunch (you’d be proud – lots of greens).
Another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have s*x the rest of the afternoon.
After supper, it’s back to golf course again.
Then it’s more s*x until late at night. I catch some much-needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again”
“Oh, Bob! Are you in Heaven?”
“No — I’m a rabbit in Kent’.