09/01/2022 from Daily Jokes
#16357
Teacher: Kids, what does the chicken give you?
Kids: Meat!
Teacher: Very good! Now, what does the pig give you?
Kids: Bacon!
Teacher: Great! And what does the fat cow give you?
Kid: Homework!
08/31/2022 from Daily Jokes
#16354
Two rather old retired racehorses are in a bar getting totally drunk.
After about two hours the first racehorse says
“You know…. when I was a young racehorse…from one hundred starts, I won (hic) 90 races, got 5 seconds and 5 thirds…. I am without doubt the greatest racehorse that ever lived….blah blah blah…”
In response to this and approximately a half an hour later the second racehorse responded,
“Oh yeah…when I was a young racehorse…from one hundred starts, I won (hic) 95 races, got 2 seconds and 3 thirds…. I am the greatest racehorse that ever lived…. blah blah blah…”
Now it was about this time that the bartender (a greyhound) decided that they were drunk enough so he said,
“I am sick of you two telling one another how great you are, you are both drunk and I am throwing you out of the bar, but before I do I want to let you know that when I was a young greyhound, from one
hundred starts, I won 100 races, no seconds and no thirds.”
The two racehorses were shocked and for 5 minutes sat with their mouths open until the fist racehorse finally said,
“Isn’t that amazing (hic)…a talking greyhound!”
08/30/2022 from Daily Jokes
#16350
An Old Farmer Was Farming And Minding His Own Business.
“There has been a wild Forest Man seen in the forest. He has little beady red eyes, and hair all over. Be careful, he might be dangerous”
The old farmer shrugged and continued with his farm.
About an hour later, the farmer spotted a very hairy man, with little beady red eyes hiding behind a bush at the edge of the forest.
At first, the farmer was worried for his life but noticed how this forest man did not move, but just stared at the farmer.
The farmer thought maybe this forest man is not dangerous, maybe he could make friends with him.
The farmer cautiously approached the forest man (who was still hiding behind the bush), pointed at his farm and said “farm”, he points at himself and said “farmer” then pointed at his hoe and said “farming”.
The forest man did not move.
The old farmer got a little closer to him, and again, pointed at his farm and said “farm”, pointed at himself and said “farmer”, then pointed at his hoe and said “farming”.
The forest man remained behind his bush.
The old farmer, feeling bold, got even closer and repeated with his actions “farm”, “farmer”, “farming”.
This time the forest man got up and pointed at the forest behind him and said “forest”, he pointed at himself and said “forest man”, he pointed at the bush and said
“Taking a sh!t”.
08/29/2022 from Daily Jokes
#16346
Anna was 79 years old and lived on the third floor of a boarding house.
Despite her age, she was still a real pistol-packin’ mama.
However, one day she fell and broke her leg.
An ambulance drove her to the hospital where a doctor put a cast on it.
When he was done, he warned her,
“Now don’t be walking up or down any stairs, okay?”
Anna nodded and thought that this sounded reasonable.
A few weeks later, the doctor took off the cast.
“So, can I climb stairs now?” asked the little old lady.
“Yes,” he replied.
“Thank goodness!” she said.
“I’m sick and tired of climbing up and down that drainpipe!”
08/28/2022 from Daily Jokes
#16342
A man is driving down a country road when he loses control of his car and ends up in a ditch.
He gets out of the car and knocks on a farmhouse door for help.
He explains his situation to the farmer.
The farmer gets his horse and they walk to the crash scene.
The farmer then uses a rope to tie the horse to the car Pull, Zoomer, pull” the farmer shouts, but the horse doesn’t move.
Pull, Radar, pull” the farmer yells again, but again, the horse stands still Pull, Dasher, pull” yells the farmer, but the horse stands like a rock.
Pull, Dusty, pull” shouts the farmer, and the horse finally gets the car out with minimal effort.
The driver is dumbfounded so he asks the farmer:
“Why do you call your horse different names?”
You see,” the farmer replies, “Dusty is blind.
“If he knew he was working by himself, he wouldn’t have pulled.”