10/31/2022 from Daily Jokes
#16568
Two old blokes, one 80 and one 87 were sitting on a park bench one morning.
The 87-year-old had just finished his morning jog and wasn’t even short of breath.
The 80-year-old was amazed at the guy’s stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy.
The 87-year-old said, “Well I eat rye bread every day.
“It keeps your energy level high and you’ll have great stamina with the ladies”.
So, on the way home the 80-year-old stopped at the bakery. As he was looking around the sales lady asked if he needed any help.
He said, “Do you have any rye bread?”
She said “Yes, there’s a whole shelf of it. Would you like some”?
He said, “I want five loaves.”
She said, “My goodness, five loaves! By the time you get to the 3rd loaf, it’ll be hard.”
He replied, “I can’t believe everybody knows about this stuff but me”.
10/30/2022 from Daily Jokes
#16565
A female secretary was helping her new boss set up his computer and asked him what word he would like to use as a password to log in with.
Wanting to embarrass his new secretary a bit and let her know where they stood, he smugly told her to enter ‘pen!s.’
Without blinking or saying a word, she entered the password.
She then almost died laughing at the computer’s response:
PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH!
10/29/2022 from Daily Jokes
#16562
As he is about to go, he notices that his horse is missing.
He shouts, asking for his horse, but nobody seems to know where it is.
“If I don’t find my horse, I will do exactly what I did when I lost my first horse!”
Suddenly, the horse appears.
Out of curiosity, a man goes up to him and asks,
“What did you do when you lost your first horse?” He replies,
“I walked.”
10/28/2022 from Daily Jokes
#16558
A duck, a pigeon, and a chicken all walk into a courtroom…
The judge asked the duck, “What is your crime?”
The duck responds, “I was blowing bubbles in front of City Hall.”
The judge says, “There’s no crime committed here, you’re free to go.”
The judge then asks the pigeon, “What is your crime?”
The pigeon responds, “I was also blowing bubbles in front of City Hall.”
The judge looks a little confused but finally says, “There’s no crime committed here, you’re also free to go.”
Lastly, the chicken walks up to the judge, and the judge asks, “What is your crime?”
The chicken, first looking back at the pigeon and the duck, then turning to the judge says,
“I’m Bubbles.”
10/27/2022 from Daily Jokes
#16555
There is this girl, she is five.
She goes spying on her big sister and she hears her cussing out her boyfriend she says, “you mother f*ck!ng @$$h0le!”
Just then jill, that’s the little girl, interrupts them talking and blurts out,
“Big Sis,what does @$$hole mean?
The girl surprised by the question,says, BOYFRIEND!
Okay , so the girl runs off onto the bathroom.
Jill sneaks up on her dad while he was shaving and says boo!
THE dad says “Shit!”
So the girl ask her dad “What does shit mean?”
And he stammers “Shaving cream”.
So she said okay and went about her day.
Jill then runs into her mom, who was in the kitchen cutting the turkey.
Her mom is startled when Jill comes in, cuts her hand, and says “F*ck!”.
So Jill ask “What does f*ck mean momma?”
And scrambling for an answer, her mom says “cutting.”
All of the sudden, they hear the door.
Jill answers and sees her Dads boss at the door.
He ask “Sweetie, do you know where everyone is at?”
And she says, “Well, my sister’s talking to her @$$h0le, my Moms f*cking the turkey and my Dads wiping the shit off his face.”