12/05/2022 from Daily Jokes
#16668
A professor travels to Africa to live with a primitive tribe:
He spends years with them, teaching them all about the wonders of science, mathematics, and formatting Reddit comments so they get the most upvotes.
One day, the Chief’s wife gives birth to a white child!
The word spreads, and the entire tribe is in shock.
The chief pulls the professor aside and says.
“Look, you’re the only white man we’ve ever seen around here, and this woman just gave birth to a white child. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out what happened!”
The professor replied.
“No, Chief. You’re mistaken. What you have here is a natural occurrence, what we in the civilized world call an albino! Look at that field over there. All of the sheep are white except for one black one. Nature does this on occasion.”
The chief was silent for a moment, then said.
“Tell you what. You don’t say anything more about that sheep and I won’t say anything more about that white child.”
12/04/2022 from Daily Jokes
#16665
Grandpa Joe was being taken by his grandchildren to his new nursing home.
They took him in on his wheelchair.
A young nurse met them.
“Welcome to our nursing home Let me show you around”
She said in a friendly tone as she took the wheelchair.
She wheeled him into a large room full of sofas, with a big TV screen.
“This is the lounge. You can relax and-“
Grandpa Joe suddenly slumped to one side.
The dutiful nurse quickly caught hold of him and gently sat him up.
Then she wheeled him to a room with tables and chairs, where some elderly residents were enjoying lunch.
“This is the dining room. The food is really -“
Again, Grandpa Joe suddenly slumped to one side. Unfazed, the nurse caught hold of him and sat him up.
Finally, she wheeled him over to a small room with a comfortable-looking bed.
“This is where you’ll be sleeping. There is an en-suite bath-“
Again, Grandpa Joe suddenly slumped over to one side.
The nurse patiently caught hold of him and once again sat him up.
After the tour, the grandchildren rushed over to Joe.
“What do you think? Isn’t it lovely? That nurse seems sweet?”
Grandpa Joe looked grumpy.
“Well the place seems alright and the staff are nice. But why the hell won’t they let me fart in peace?”
12/03/2022 from Daily Jokes
#16663
A third-grade teacher always took roll call each morning and had the pupils answer by reciting a short poem.
The first kid sat in the first row was a teacher’s pet. He stood and said,
“My name is Dan, and when I become a man, I would like to go to Japan if I can, and I think I can.”
The next kid was a little girl who sat in the middle of the room. She stood up and answered the roll call by stating,
“My name is Suzy, and when I become a lady I would like to have a baby…if I can, and I think I can.”
The next on the list was Little Johnny, a smart guy sitting in the back of the room.
He stood up and said,
“My name is Johnny, and I don’t give a damm about Japan but I would like to help Suzy in her plan if I can and I think can”
12/02/2022 from Daily Jokes
#16659
The wife served breakfast to the Husband.
Along with that, she gave me a tablet also and said:
” Take this *Paracetamol* after breakfast.”
Husband: ” Why? I don’t have a fever.”
Wife : “OK, then take this *Digene* “
Husband : “Come on ! I don’t have even gastric trouble.”
Wife : ” Ok, take at least *Pudeen Hara* You will have an immediate relief.”
Husband : “My dear, my stomach is perfectly OK.”
Wife : Oh, but you must take at least *Combiflame* Any pain in your hands or legs will disappear in no time.”
Husband : ” Are you crazy ? Why so much of care and concern for me all of a sudden ? Thanx darling, but I am totally fit, fresh and energetic.”
Wife : ” Ve….ry good ! Now take this broom and clean up the cobwebs from all the rooms and then clean up the loft also. “
12/01/2022 from Daily Jokes
#16655
An old man goes to a restaurant and orders a chicken dish.
By the time the food is ready and he is about to eat, the waiter comes back and says,
‘Sir, I’m afraid there has been a mistake. You see, that police officer who is sitting at the next table is a regular customer of ours and he usually orders the same dish.
The problem is, this is the last chicken in the house. I’m afraid I’ll have to take this dish to him and arrange for another dish for you!’
The old man gets really upset and refuses to give up his food.
The waiter walks over to the other table and explains the situation to the officer.
A few minutes later the officer walks over to the old man’s table and says,
‘Listen and listen good. That is MY chicken you are about to eat and I’ll warn you, whatever you do to that chicken I’ll do the same to you. You pull out one of its legs, I’ll pull out one of yours. You break one of its wings, I’ll break one of your arms!’
The old man calmly looks at the chicken, then sticks his middle finger in the bird’s r*ctum, pulls it out and licks it. He then gets up, drops his pants, bends over and says,
‘Go ahead!’