11/25/2022 from Daily Jokes
#16640
A man was riding on a full bus minding his own business.
when the gorgeous woman next to him started to breastfeed her baby.
The baby wouldn’t take it so she said,
“Come on sweetie, eat it all up or I’ll have to give it to this nice man next to us.”
Five minutes later the baby was still not feeding,
so she said,
“Come on, honey. Take it or I’ll give it to this nice man here.”
A few minutes later the anxious man blurted out,
“Come on kid. Make up your mind! I was supposed to get off four stops ago!”
11/24/2022 from Daily Jokes
#16638
A young reform man is marrying into a strictly orthodox family.
The day before the wedding, he goes to visit his future father-in-law.
“Out of respect for your beliefs sir, I wanted to ask you a few questions.”
“Sure!”
“Well, after the wedding, is there a time I should wait before we-“
“My boy, were I a young man on my wedding night, I would not wait one moment longer! Physical love in marriage is a beautiful thing, created by G-d.”
“That’s great! But…. should I be on top?”
“If you want.”
“Could she be on top?”
“If that is what you both wish.”
“Doggy style?”
“Sure!”
“Can we do it standing up?”
The old man slammed down his first.
“NO! That I must strictly forbid!”
“Why?”
“Because it could lead to dancing!”
11/23/2022 from Daily Jokes
#16635
A little boy said to a little girl:
– I’m your BF!
The little girl asked:
– What is BF?
The boy laughed and answered:
– That means Best Friend.
They later dated, the young man said to the girl:
– I am your BF!
The girl leaned lightly on the boy’s shoulder, shyly asked:
– What is BF?
The boy replied:
– It’s Boy Friend!
A few years later they got married, had lovely children, and the husband smiled again and told his wife:
– I am your BF!
The wife gently asked her husband:
– What is BF?
The husband looked at the lovely and happy children and replied:
– It’s Baby’s father!
As they get old, they sit together and watch the sunset on the front porch, and the old man tells his wife:
– Honey! I am your BF!
The old woman smiled with wrinkles on her face:
– What is BF?
The old man smiled happily and gave a mysterious answer:
– Be Forever!
When the dying old man also said:
– I can BF.
The old woman replied with a sad voice:
– What is BF ??
The old man answered and then closed his eyes:
– It’s Bye Forever!
A few days later, the old woman also passed away. Before closing her eyes, the old woman whispered by the old man’s grave:
– Beside Forever.
11/22/2022 from Daily Jokes
#16633
A middle-aged male professor receives a knock on the door of his office on campus.
After fumbling about for a few moments, he opens the door to find an old man, who greets him with a big smile and says:
“May I come in? I worked in this very room thirty years ago when I was a professor at this college.”
“Sure!” replied the professor. “Be my guest!”
The old man examined the room, fondly remembering everything.
He said, “The same old room, the same old wooden table, the ventilator and the same old window that opens to the garden. And the same old desk.”
When examining it, he noticed there was a young girl hiding under the desk.
The young man got alarmed and stammered,
“Don’t mistake me. She’s my daughter. She dropped her earring and is searching for it.”
“And the same old story…” Sighed the old man.
11/21/2022 from Daily Jokes
#16630
A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural northern Alberta.
He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer’s field on the other side of a fence.
As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.
The litigator responded, “I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I’m going to retrieve it.”
The old farmer Peter replied, “This is my property, and you are not coming over here.”
The indignant lawyer said, “I am one of the best trial lawyers in Canada and, if you don’t let me get that duck, I’ll sue you and take everything you own.”
The old farmer smiled and said, “Apparently, you don’t know how we settle disputes in Alberta.
We settle small disagreements like this with the ‘Three Kick Rule.’
The lawyer asked, “What is the ‘Three Kick Rule’?”
The Farmer replied, “Well because the dispute occurs on my land, I get to go first. I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth until someone gives up.”
The lawyer quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.
The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney.
His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel-toed work boot into the lawyer’s groin and dropped him to his knees!
His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer’s last meal gushing from his mouth.
The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer’s third kick to his rear end, sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie.
Summoning every bit of his will and remaining strength the lawyer very slowly managed to get to his feet.
Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, “Okay, you old fart. Now it’s my turn.”
The old farmer smiled and said, “Nah, I give up. You can have the duck.”