04/29/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17081
A husband went to the police station to file a “missing person” report for his missing wife:
Husband: “I lost my wife, she went shopping and hasn’t come back yet.”
Inspector: “What is her height?”
Husband: “I never checked.”
Inspector: “Slim or healthy?”
Husband: “Not slim, she can be healthy.”
Inspector: “Colour of eyes.”
Husband: “Never noticed.”
Inspector: Colour of hair?”
Husband: “It changes according to season.”
Inspector: “What was she wearing?”
Husband: “Not sure. It may have been a dress or maybe a suit.”
Inspector: “Was she driving?”
Husband: “Yes.”
Inspector: “Tell me the type and colour of the car?”
Husband: “A black Audi A8 with supercharged 3.0-litre V6 engine generating 333 horsepower teamed with an eight-speed Tiptronic automatic transmission with manual mode. It has full LED headlights, which use light-emitting diodes for all light functions. It has a very thin scratch on the front left door and then the husband started crying.”
Inspector: “Don’t worry sir, we will find your car!”
04/28/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17079
A student failed in the final law exam and decided to make a deal with the professor.
Student: Sir can I ask you one question?
Professor: Yes
Student: If you can answer this question, I will accept my final mark, if you can’t, you will have to give me an “A” grade.
The professor agreed.
Student asked: “what is legal but not logical, logical but not legal, and neither legal nor logical?”
Professor thought about it for hours and pondered, but couldn’t think of an answer.
He had to finally give up as he really didn’t know the answer.
He gave his boy an”A” grading as promised.
The following day professor asked same question to his students,He was shocked when all of them raised their hands.
He asked one student
He answered:
Sir you are 65, married to a 28 years old woman, this is legal but not logical.
Your wife is having an affair with a 23 year old boy, this is logical but not legal.
Your wife’s boyfriend has failed in his exam and yet you have given him an”A” this is neither logical nor legal. Professor fainted….
04/27/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17075
Tim decided to tie the knot with his long-time girlfriend.
One evening, after the honeymoon, he was organizing his golfing equipment.
His wife was standing nearby watching him.
After a long period of silence she finally speaks:
“Tim, I’ve been thinking, now that we’re married maybe it’s time you quit golfing. You spend so much time on the course. You could probably get a good price for your clubs.”
Tim gets this horrified look on his face.
She says, “Darling, what’s wrong?”
“For a minute there you were beginning to sound like my ex-wife.”
“Ex-wife!” she screams,
“I didn’t know you were married before!”
“I wasn’t,” he replied.
04/26/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17073
A wealthy old man was lying on his deathbed when it occurred to him he had never made a will,
So he called his lawyer to help him make his will.
The following day his lawyer came, and the wealthy man said,
“I want 25% of my money to go to charity. After all, I’ve taken, I should give something back.”
“How generous of you,” the lawyer responded.
“I’ll make sure it happens right away.”
“I also want 25% of it to go to my son. He’s been counting the days till he could get my money,” the old man said.
“Okay, I’ll make sure he receives 25% of it,” the lawyer replied.
“I want the rest to go to my wife, on condition that she remarries after I die,” the old man said.
“Okay, I’ll ensure that that happens, but may I ask why you want her to remarry? It’s a quite obscure request,” the lawyer asked.
“I want to make sure at least one man regrets my death,” the old man said…
04/25/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17071
An elephant and a crocodile were swimming in the jungle,
When the elephant spots a turtle sunning himself on a rock.
The elephant walks over to the turtle, picks him up in his trunk and hurls him far into the jungle.
“What did you do that for?” asked the crocodile.
The elephant answered,
“That turtle was the one that bit me almost fifty years ago.”
The crocodile said,
“And you remembered him after all these years? Boy, you sure do have a good memory.”
“Yep,” says the elephant.
“Turtle recall.”