05/09/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17110
A father put his 3-year-old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which ended by saying, “
God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma and good-bye Grandpa.”
The father asked, ‘Why did you say goodbye Grandpa?’
The little girl said, “I don’t know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do.”
The next day Grandpa died.
The father thought it was a strange coincidence.
A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers which went like this,
“God bless Mommy, God Bless Daddy and good-bye Grandma..”
The next day the grandmother died.
“Holy crap” thought the father, “this kid is in contact with the other side.”
Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say,
“God bless Mommy and good-bye Daddy.”
He practically went into shock.
He couldn’t sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office.
He was nervous as a cat all day had lunch and watched the clock.
He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay.
He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound.
Finally, midnight arrived; he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.
When he got home his wife said,
“I’ve never seen you work so late. What’s the matter?”
He said, “I don’t want to talk about it, I’ve just spent the worst day of my life.”
She said, “You think you had a bad day, you’ll never believe what happened to me.
This morning my golf pro dropped dead in the middle of my lesson!”
05/08/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17105
A man walks out onto a busy New York City street and happens to catch a taxi just going by.
He gets into the taxi, and the cabby says,
“Wow, perfect timing. You’re just like Frank.”
The passenger looks confused, and asks,
“Who..??”
The cabby says, “Frank Feldman..!!”
He explains,
“He’s a guy who did everything right all the time. Like when I came along just when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman – every single time.”
The passenger remarked,
“There are always a few clouds over everybody.”
“Not Frank Feldman.” The cabby said with gusto.
He clarified,
“ Frank Feldmans was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and
you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy.”
The passenger said,
“Sounds like he was really something special.”
The cabby replied,
“There’s more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody’s birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with.”
The cabby kept going,
“He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman – he could do everything right.”
The passenger was amazed, “Wow, what a guy!”
The cabby continued,
“He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank never made a mistake, and he really knew how to
treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too.”
The cabby concluded:
“He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman.”
Passenger: “How did you meet him?”
𝐂𝐚𝐛𝐛𝐲: “𝐈 𝐧𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐮𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐦𝐞𝐭 𝐅𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐤. 𝐇𝐞 𝐝𝐢𝐞𝐝 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐈 𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐝 𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐰𝐢𝐟𝐞.”
05/07/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17100
A balding, white-haired man from Sherman Oaks in California, walked into a jewellery store in a local mall this past Friday evening with a beautiful much younger gal at his side.
He told the jeweller he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.
The jeweller looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring.
The man said,
“No, I’d like to see something more special.”
At that statement, the jeweller went to his special stock and brought another ring over.
“Here’s a stunning ring at only $40,000,” the jeweller said.
The lady’s eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.
The old man seeing this said,
“We’ll take it.”
The jeweller asked how payment would be made and the man stated,
“by check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I’ll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I’ll pick up the ring Monday afternoon.”
On Monday morning, the jeweller angrily phoned the old man and said:
“There was only $25 in your account.”
“I know,” said the old man.
“But let me tell you about MY GREAT WEEKEND!”
REMEMBER:- Not All Seniors Are Senile..
05/06/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17098
When 6-year-old Johnny and his mum are waiting at the bus stop, she says to him.
“I’ll get a ticket for myself and if the driver asks how old you are, tell him you are 5, then I won’t have to pay.”
The bus pulls up, they get on and Mum pays for an adult return to the town centre.
The driver then asks the boy.
“And what is your name, young man?”
He proudly replies. “I’m J0hnny.”
The driver enquires.
“And how old are you, Johnny?”
“I’m only 5 years old.”
“And when will you be 6?”
“As soon as I get off the bus!”
05/05/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17094
A bunch of boys decide to go cow-tipping…
They go up to the fence and they are all standing there.
They all point out the closest cow and have one of the boys go tip it over.
The cow falls over and they all laugh.
They find another cow and another kid goes over, tips it, and they laugh.
One of the boys sees a fence a little ways away with a few massive bulls in it.
They all dare one of the kids to tip the bull.
He sneaks up next to the bull and tries to push the bull over.
The bull rocks back and forth a little bit, but nothing.
He runs back to his friends and they are all laughing at him.
The biggest kid decides he will have better luck.
He sneaks up to another bull, takes a lineman’s stance, and slams into this bull as hard as he can.
The bull teeters almost completely sideways and then back, away, and back, but doesn’t tip over.
He runs off back to his friends.
Everyone is laughing, but they can’t figure out why the bull didn’t fall.
The bull was almost completely sideways.
There is no way the bull should have not fallen.
All of a sudden, a bull just on the inside of the fence speaks up,
“You’ll never tip us!”
A kid asks back, “and why is that?”
“We bulls wobble, but we don’t fall down.”