03/12/2023 from Daily Jokes
#16943
A man is walking home late at night when he sees a woman in the shadows.
“Twenty bucks,” she says.
He’s never been with a prostitute before, but he decides what the hell.
They are going at it for a minute when all of a sudden a light flashes on them—it’s a policeman.
“What’s going on here, people?” asks the officer.
“I’m making love to my wife,” the man answers indignantly.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” says the cop,
“I didn’t know.”
“Well,” said the man,
“To tell the truth neither did I until you flashed that light on her face.”
03/11/2023 from Daily Jokes
#16940
A Mother -in -Law decides to test her three Son- in-laws for their good nature.
For this, she goes for a walk by a river with the first son-in-law & jumps in.
He saves her.
The next morning he finds a Toyota Corolla parked outside his house with note:
From your Mother In Law.
Next she goes for a walk by the river with the second son-in-law & jumps in.
He too saves her.
The next morning he also finds a Toyota Corolla parked outside his house with note:
From your Mother In Law. Next,
she goes for a walk by a river with the third son-in-law
& jumps in. He just laughs and walks away.
Next morning he finds a BMW M5 parked outside his house with a note:
from your Father In Law
03/10/2023 from Daily Jokes
#16937
Two couples were playing poker one evening.
Jim accidentally dropped some cards on the floor.
When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed Bob’s wife, Sue wasn’t wearing any underwear under her dress!
Shocked by this, Jim upon trying to sit back up again, hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced.
Later, Jim went to the kitchen to get some refreshments.
Bob’s wife followed and asked,
‘ Did you see anything that you like under there?’
Surprised by her boldness, Jim admitted that, well indeed he did.
She said, ‘Well, you can have it but it will cost you $500.’
After taking a minute or two to assess the financial and moral costs of this offer, Jim confirms that he is interested.
Sue told him that since her husband Bob worked Friday afternoons and Jim didn’t, Jim should be at her house around 2 p.m. Friday afternoon.
When Friday rolled around, Jim showed up at Bob’s house at 2 p.m. sharp and after paying Sue the agreed sum of $500 they went to the bedroom and closed their transaction, as agreed.
Jim quickly dressed and left.
As usual, Bob came home from work at 6 p.m.
And upon arriving, asked his wife:
‘ Did Jim come by the house this afternoon?’
With a lump in her throat Sue answered ‘Why yes, he did stop by for a few minutes this afternoon.’ Her heart nearly skipped a beat when her husband curtly asked,
‘ And did he give you $500?’
Sue, using her best poker face replied,
‘ Well, yes, in fact, he did give me $500.’
Bob, with a satisfied look on his face, surprised his wife by saying,
‘ He came by the office this morning and borrowed $500 from me. He promised he’d stop by our house this afternoon on his way home and pay me back.’
Now, THAT is what I call ‘A Good Poker Player’!
03/09/2023 from Daily Jokes
#16934
A man is sitting on his front stoop staring morosely at the ground when his neighbour strolls over.
The neighbour tries to start a conversation several times, but the older man barely responds.
Finally, the neighbour asks what the problem is.
“Well,” the man says,
“I ran afoul of one of those questions women ask. Now I’m in the doghouse.”
“What kind of question?” the neighbour asks.
“My wife asked me if I would still love her when she was old, fat and ugly.”
“That’s easy,” says the neighbour.
“You just say, ‘Of course, I will’.”
“Yeah,” says the other man, “that’s what I MEANT to say.
But what came OUT was, ‘Of course I do’.”
03/08/2023 from Daily Jokes
#16932
A virile, middle-aged Italian gentleman, named Guido, was relaxing at his favourite bar in Rome when he managed to attract a spectacular, young, woman.
Things progressed to the point where he invited her back to his apartment and, after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom where he rattled her senselessly.
After a pleasant interlude, he asked with a smile,
“So, you finish..??”
She paused for a second, frowned, and replied, “No.”
Surprised, Guido reached for her and the rattling resumed.
This time she thrashed about wildly and there were screams of passion.
The s** finally ends and, again, Guido smiles and asks,
“You finish..??”
Again, after a short pause, she returns his smile, cuddles closer to him and softly says,
“No.”
Stunned, but damned if he was going to leave this woman unsatisfied. Guido reaches for the woman yet again.
Using the last of his strength, he barely manages it, but they end together screaming, bucking, clawing and ripping the bed sheets..!!
Exhausted, Guido falls onto his back, gasping.
Barely able to turn his head, he looks into her eyes, smiles proudly and asked again,
“You finish..??”
Barely able to speak, the beautiful whispers in his ear,
“No, I’m Norwegian.”