Daily Joke: Jokes Library

An elderly lawyer had a wife and 12 children and needed to move, as his rental agreement was coming to an end for the home where he lived but was having difficulty finding a new home.

When he said he had 12 children, no one would rent a home to him because they knew that the children would destroy the home.

He could not say that he had no children, he could not lie, after all, lawyers can not and do not lie.

So, he had an idea:

he sent his wife for a walk to the cemetery with 11 children. He took the remaining one with him to see homes with the Real Estate Agent.

He liked one of the homes and the agent asked,

“How many children do you have ?”

He answered, “12 children.”

The agent asked,

“Where are the others ?”

The elderly lawyer answered, with a sad look,

“They are in the cemetery with their mother.”

And that’s the way he was able to rent a home for his family without lying.

MORAL: It is not necessary to lie, one only has to choose the right words. Lawyers don’t lie …they are creative …

On reaching his plane seat,

A man is surprised to see a parrot seated next to him.

He asks the stewardess for a coffee, then the parrot squawks

“And get me a whisky, you cow!”

The stewardess, flustered, brings back a whisky for the parrot but forgets the man’s coffee.

When the man points it out to her, the parrot drains its glass and bawls

“And get me another whisky, you id!to.”

Upset, the stewardess comes back with another whisky – but still no coffee.

By now in desperate need for his coffee, the man tries the parrot’s style,

“I’ve asked you twice for a coffee, go get it now, you m0ron.”

Before they know it, two burly flight stewards storm down the aisle, grab the parrot and the man, yank them out of their seats, and throw them out of the emergency exit.

Plunging downwards the parrot turns to the man and says

“For someone who can’t fly, you sure complain too much!”

There was once a hat-seller who passed by a forest on his way back from the market.

The weather was very hot and so he decided to take a nap under one of the trees,
so he left his whole basket of hats by the side.

A few hours later, he woke up by some sounds.

The next thing he realized was that all his hats were gone.

He heard some monkeys on the tree and so he looked up.

To his surprise, the tree was full of monkeys and they had taken all his hats.

The hat-seller sits down and thinks of how he can get the hats down.

He thinks and thinks and starts scratching his head.

The next moment, he realized that the monkeys were doing the same action.

Next, he took down his own hat and saw the monkeys do exactly the same.

An idea came to him, he took his hat and throw it on the floor and the monkeys do that too.

So he finally managed to get all his hats back.

Fifty years later, his grandson, Jack, also became a hat-seller and had heard this monkey story from his grandfather.

One day, just like his grandfather, he passed by the same forest, it was very hot, and he took a nap under the same tree and left the hats on the floor.

He woke up and realized that all his hats were gone.

He looked up and realized that the monkeys had taken all the hats.

He remembered his grand father’s words, started scratching his head and the monkeys follow.

He took down his hat and fanned himself and again the monkeys followed.

Now, very convinced of his grandfather’s idea, JACK threw his hat on the floor but to his surprise, the monkeys still hold on to all the hats.

Then one monkey climbed down the tree, grabbed the hat on the floor, gave him a slap, and said

“You think only you have a grandfather!

A Young Woman was preparing for her Wedding.

She asked her Mother to go out and buy a Nice, Long Black Negligee and carefully place it in her Suitcase so it would not Wrinkle.

Mom forgot her task, until the last minute, so she dashed out and could only find a Short Pink Nightie.

She bought it and quickly threw it into the Suitcase.

After the Wedding, the Bride and Groom enter their Hotel Room.

The Groom was a little self-conscious, so he asked his new Bride to change in the Bathroom and promise not to Peek while he got ready for Bed.

While she was in the Bathroom, she opened her Suitcase and saw the Negligee her Mother had thrown in there.

She exclaimed,

“Oh No, It’s Short, Pink and Wrinkled”.

Then her Groom cried out,

“F.F.S.. I thought I told you not to Peek”..

Three women sit in a beauty parlour talking about their husbands.

The first woman says,

“Last night my husband said he was going to his office, but when I called they said he wasn’t there!”

“I know!” the next woman says,

“Last night my husband said he was going to his brother’s house, but when I called he wasn’t there.”

The third woman says,

“I always know where my husband is.”

“Impossible!” both women exclaim,

“He has you completely fooled!”

“Oh no,” says the woman.

“I’m a widow.”