03/22/2023 from Daily Jokes
#16970
The poor country pastor was livid when he confronted his wife with the receipt for a $250 dress she had bought.
“How could you do this!” he exclaimed.
“I don’t know,” she wailed.
“I was standing in the store looking at the dress. Then I found myself trying it on. It was like the Devil was whispering to me, ‘Gee, you look great in that dress. You should buy it.’ “
“Well,” the pastor persisted,
“You know how to deal with him! Just tell him, ‘Get behind me, Satan!’ “
“I did,” replied his wife,
“but then he said ‘It looks great from back here, too!’
03/21/2023 from Daily Jokes
#16968
An old man wrote a will to his two lazy sons:
After my death demolishes this house, you will find a metal case down the foundation where you will find my saving to support the rest of your life.
They started praying to God! Oh Lord Father our Dad is too old, please take him to your kingdom.
Two years later he died and buried him immediately.
The following day the house was demolished, and they found a case with a piece of paper written:
If you are real men construct your own houses and stop your stupidity….
03/20/2023 from Daily Jokes
#16966
A man and a woman were having a quiet, romantic dinner in a fine restaurant.
They were gazing lovingly at each other and holding hands.
The waitress, taking another order at a table a few steps away,
Suddenly noticed the woman slowly sliding down her chair and under the table but the man stared straight ahead.
The waitress watched as the woman slid all the way down her chair and out of sight under the table.
Still, the man stared straight ahead.
The waitress, thinking this behaviour a bit risque and worried that it might offend other diners, went over to the table and, tactfully, began by saying to the man:
“Pardon me, sir, but I think your wife just slid under the table.”
The man replied:
“Naah, She just arrived at the restaurant..!”
03/19/2023 from Daily Jokes
#16962
Brendan O’Hare was completely lost in the kitchen and couldn’t even make a plate of soup for himself or boil an egg.
He’d never even done the food shopping, but always came home from work to a delicious meal cooked by his wife, Barbara.
One day, after Barbara had been sick with the flu for several days and the fridge was all but empty,
Brendan realized he’d better help out, and offered to go to the supermarket.
Barbara sent him off with a carefully numbered list of seven items.
Brendan returned shortly, very proud of himself, and proceeded to unpack the grocery bags.
He had one bag of carrots, two packages of celery, three dozen eggs, four bags of potatoes, five raw chickens, six boxes of noodles, and seven loaves of bread.
03/18/2023 from Daily Jokes
#16960
A married couple in their early 60s are celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.
Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table.
She said, ‘For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.’
The wife answered, ‘Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband.’
The fairy waved her magic wand and – poof! – two tickets for Queen Mary II appeared in her hands.
The husband thought for a moment:
‘ Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again. I’m sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me.’
The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish.!
So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!…
The husband became 92 years old.
The moral of this story:
Men who are ungrateful should remember fairies are female……