03/27/2023 from Daily Jokes
#16983
One day, two young brothers in Rome, aged 12 and 14, came home with a 20 and 50 euro note.
Their mother asked them where they got all that money from.
“Well, we were standing outside the brothel when a guy left,” said the 12-year-old.
“We told him that we knew where he had been, so he asked us not to reveal anything and gave us 20 euros.”
“Then we followed the man,” said the other boy,
“and when he came to his house we told him that now we also knew where he lived. Then he gave us another 50 euros and begged us to keep quiet.”
“That’s truly awful behaviour,” the mother replied.
“You really should be ashamed of yourselves and feel sorry for the man. Off you go to confession in the church.”
The boys did what they were told and went to the Church, to confess and atone before the priest.
After a while they came back with 100 euros, because now they also knew where the man worked!
03/27/2023 from Daily Jokes
#16979
A man, a squirrel, and 2 bees are going on a road trip.
On the road, they run out of gas so the man pulls over.
One of the bees says,
“Don’t worry, I’ll pee in the tank. It’ll get us a little further.”
It works until they run out of gas again.
The second bee steps up and says,
“Don’t worry, I’ll pee in the tank. It’ll get us a little further.”
It works, until they run out of gas for the third time.
This time the squirrel chimes in and says,
“Don’t worry, I’ll pee in the tank. It’ll get us a little further.”
But the man says,
“Don’t bother, she only runs on BP.”
03/25/2023 from Daily Jokes
#16976
There were two little crabs who met in Florida every year.
One year when they arrived, one little crab was shivering terribly.
The other crab asked why and he said,
“I got a ride here on a man’s moustache. He drove so fast, I was freezing.”
“Well,” the other crab said,
“why don’t you hide up a lady’s skirt next year? Then you won’t be as cold.”
The little crab said,
“Hey, that isn’t a bad idea.”
A year later, the two crabs met at the same place, and the one little crab was shivering very badly again.
The other crab asked if he had taken his advice and he said,
“Yeah, I went and hid up a lady’s skirt, but when I woke up in the morning I was on that’s guy’s moustache again!”
03/24/2023 from Daily Jokes
#16974
A little three-year-old boy was sitting on the toilet.
His mother thought he had been in there too long,
so she went in to see what was up.
She found him sitting on the toilet reading a book,
so she stood at the door quietly and watched.
Every ten seconds or so, he put the book down, gripped the toilet seat with his left hand, and hit himself on top of the head with his right hand.
His mother finally broke the silence,
“Johnny, are you all right? You’ve been in here for a while…”
“I’m fine, Mommy…I just haven’t gone ‘doody’ yet.”
“Okay, you can stay here a few more minutes to finish, but, Johnny, why are you hitting yourself on the head?”
Johnny gave her a hopeful smile,
“Works for ketchup.”
03/23/2023 from Daily Jokes
#16972
A woman’s husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.
One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.
As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears,
“You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. You know what?” he concluded.
“What, dear?” she asked gently, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.
“I think you’re bad luck.”