05/23/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17157
Once a doctor asked a 100-year-old man and his 98-year-old wife for their health secrets.
The old man said
“I’ll tell you my secret. I’ve been married for 75 years. I promised my wife when we got married that when we quarrel, the loser has to walk for 5 kilometres. So I’ve been walking 5 kilometres every day for past 75 years!
The doctor was amazed and applauded and asked again
“But how come your wife is very healthy as well?”
The old man answered
“That is another secret. For 75 years every single day she has been following me to make sure I really walk the full 5 kilometres!”
05/22/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17153
A man was sick and tired of going to work everyday while his wife stayed at home; he wanted his wife to see what he goes through and so he prayed;
“Dear Lord, I go to work all day and put in eight hours while my wife stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please switch her body to mine for a day, as I take hers.
So God in His own infinite wisdom granted the man’s wish.
The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman.
He cooked breakfast, awakened the kids, set out their school clothes, fed them, packed their lunch, took them to school, came back home, picked up the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners, went grocery shopping, got home and put away the groceries, cleaned the cat’s little box and bathed the dog.
By then it was already 1:00pm.
He quickly went to make the bed, do the laundry, swept and mop the floor, ran to school to pick up the kids, got into an argument with one of them, set out milk and cookies and got the kids organised to do their home work.
He then set the ironing board and watched tv while he did the ironing.
At 4.30pm, he began peeling potatoes and washed the vegetables for salad, breaded the pork chop and snapped fresh beans for supper.
After supper, he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded laundry, bathed the kids, put them to bed.
Now He’s exhausted, and though his daily choice wasn’t over, he went to bed and was expected to make LOVE, which he managed to get through without complaints.
Early in the morning, he woke up and quickly knelt down by the bed and said:
“LORD, I do not know what I was thinking, I was wrong to envy my wife being able to stay home all day. Please let’s trade again.
GOD answered: “Man I’d love to answer your prayers, but the time you made love last night, you got pregnant, so you have to wait for nine months to change.
05/21/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17149
A senior citizen said to his eighty-year-old buddy:
‘So I hear you’re getting married?’
‘Yep!’
‘Do I know her?’
‘Nope!’
‘This woman, is she good-looking?’
‘Not really.’
‘Is she a good cook?’
‘Nah, she can’t cook too well.’
‘Does she have lots of money?’
‘Nope! Poor as a church mouse.’
‘Well, then, is she good in bed?’
‘I don’t know.’
’Why in the world do you want to marry her then?’
‘Because she can still drive!’
05/20/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17146
An Old man wrote a will to his two lazy sons:
After my death demolish this house, you will find a metal case down the foundation where you will find my saving to support the rest of your life.
They started praying to God! Oh Lord Father our Dad is too old, please take him to your kingdom.
Two years later he died and buried him immediately.
The following day the house was demolished, they found a case with a piece of paper written:
If you are real men construct your own houses and stop your stupidity….
05/19/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17143
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller.
He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.
“Miss Whack”, he says,
“I’d like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday”.
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name.
The frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger.
He says that his dad is Mick Jagger, and it’s okay for him to take out all of the money because he is friends with the bank manager.
Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.
The frog says “Sure, have this”, and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink, and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patty tells him that she’ll have to consult with the bank manager.
She then disappears into the back office.
She finds the manager and says
“There’s a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral”.
She holds up the tiny elephant pink elephant.
“I mean, what in the world is this?”
The bank manager looks back at her and says
“It’s a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan, his old man’s a Rolling Stone”.