04/06/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17013
A Scotsman went skiing in Canada for the first time.
At the end of a great day on the slopes, he retired to the local tavern.
After getting six whiskeys in him he stood up and turned around to discover a large, stuffed animal head with giant antlers hanging from the wall.
“Barkeep,” he said,
“what the hell is that?”
The bartender said,
“Oh, that’s a moose!”
The Scotsman bugged out his eyes and cried,
“Holy crap! How big are the cats?!”
04/05/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17006
One afternoon a man came home from work to find total mayhem in his house.
His three children were outside, still in their P.J.’s, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers thrown all about the front yard.
The door to his wife’s car was open, as was the front door to the house.
Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess.
A lamp had been knocked over, and a throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room, the TV was blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing.
In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, Breakfast food was spilt on the counter, dog food was spilt on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand lay piled up by the back door.
He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and other piles of clothes, looking for his wife.
He was worried that she might be ill, or worse!!
He found her lounging in the bedroom, still in her pyjamas, reading a novel.
She smiled, looked up at him and asked how his day went.
He looked at her bewildered and asked,
“What happened here today?”
She again smiled and answered,“you know every day when you come home from work and ask me what in the world did I do today?”
“Yes”, he replied reluctantly.
She answered, “We’ll, today I didn’t do it!!”
04/04/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17002
An elderly snake went to the doctor and told him:
“Doc, my eyesight is so bad, I can’t see to hunt any more. I think I need a pair of glasses.”
So the doctor fixed the snake up with a pair of glasses and told him to come back if he still couldn’t manage.
Two weeks later, the snake was back in the doctor’s office.
“I’m depressed,” he complained.
“Why, what’s the problem?” asked the doctor.
“Haven’t the glasses helped?”
“The glasses are fine,” sighed the snake.
“But I’ve discovered that I’ve been living with a garden hose for the past three years.”
04/03/2023 from Daily Jokes
#16999
An old lady was stopped to pull into a parking space
when a young man in his new red Mercedes went around her and parked in the space she was waiting for.
The little old lady was so upset that she went up to the man and said,
“I was going to park there!”
The man was a real smart alec and he said,
“That’s what you can do when you’re young and bright.”
“Well, this really upset the lady, even more,
So she got in her car and backed it up and then she stomped on the gas and ploughed straight into his Mercedes.
The young man ran back to his car and asked,
“What did you do that for?”
The little old lady smiled and told him,
“That’s what you can do when you’re old and rich!”
04/02/2023 from Daily Jokes
#16997
John brought his new work colleague, Robert, home for dinner.
As they arrived at the door, his wife rushed up, threw her arms around John and kissed him passionately.
“Wow!” said Robert. “And how long have you two been married?”
“Twenty-four years,” replied John.
“You must have a terrific marriage if your wife greets you like that after all those years.”
“Don’t be fooled,” said John.
“She only does it to make the dog jealous.”