Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A man finds a wallet with $700 in it.

A few days later, he reads a notice stating that a wealthy man has lost his wallet and is offering a $50 reward to anyone who returns it:

He soon locates the owner and gives him the wallet and the rich man counts the money and says.

“I see you have already taken your reward.”

The poor old man responds.

“What are you talking about?”

The wealthy man continues.

“This wallet had $750 in it when I lost it.”

The two men begin arguing, and eventually, they go to court to sort out their differences.

Both men present their case, the poor man first, then the wealthy man who concludes by saying.

“Your Honor, I trust you believe me.”

The elderly Judge says. “Of course.” The rich man smiles and the old poor man is devastated.

Then the Judge takes the wallet out of the wealthy man’s hands and gives it to the poor old man who found it.

“What are you doing?” The rich man yells angrily.

The elderly Judge responds.

“You are, of course, an honest man and if you say that your missing wallet had $750 in it, I’m sure it did, but if the man who found this wallet is a liar and a thief, he wouldn’t have returned it at all, which means that this wallet must belong to somebody else. If that man steps forward, he’ll get the money, otherwise, it stays with the man who found it.”

“What about my money?” The rich man asks.

“Well, we’ll just have to wait until somebody finds your wallet with the $750 in it.”

A husband and wife get up on Sunday morning.

After breakfast, the wife notices that her husband isn’t dressed for church.

“Why aren’t you dressed for church?”

“Simple. I’m not going.”

“Why not?”

“Well, I’ll give you three pretty good reasons why I’m not going.

First of all, the church is cold in the morning.

It’s just cold. Second, no one there likes me.

Everyone is always talking about me behind my back.

And third, most important of all, I just don’t feel like going!”

“Well, I’ll give you three pretty good reasons why you ARE going.

First of all, the church isn’t cold in the morning; it’s warm.

Second, I think, or I’m pretty sure, that there are some people there who do like you, and third you’re the minister, so get dressed.”

An elderly wealthy man walks into a bank New York City and asks for the loan officer.

He says he’s going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5000.

The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan,
so the elderly man hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce, which costs quarter of a million dollars.

“The car is parked on the street in front of the bank,” says the man,
“and I have all the necessary papers.”

The bank officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.

After the old man leaves, the loan officer, the bank’s president and all their colleagues enjoy a good laugh at the man for using a $250,000 Rolls Royce as collateral against a $5,000 loan.

One of the employees drives the Rolls into the bank’s underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the elderly wealthy man man returns, repays the $5000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.

The loan officer says,
“Sir, I must tell you, we’re all a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and discovered that you’re a multimillionaire. Why would you bother to borrow $5,000?”

The old man replies,
“Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41?”

An elderly Couple were entertaining an equally elderly couple at home.

The two women were in the kitchen clearing away the dishes, while the two men were having a chat in the lounge.

George (The Host): ” We found this really great restaurant the other night: the food and service was superb”.

Bill ( the guest) ” Oh really what one was that?”

George: “Oh it was the err, hmm I’m damned if I can remember now: oh I know, what’s the flower, often red: you’d give it to someone you love?

Bill: “I think you mean a rose”.

George: Yes, that’s it ( turning to the kitchen he shouts)

“Rose, what was the name of that restaurant we went to?”.

Dave took Mary out for a romantic dinner where the conversation turned to the subject of marriage.

Dave had been saving for an engagement ring, but he was in graduate school and in dire need of a new computer.

Mary was understanding, telling Dave they had the rest of their lives to get engaged, so he should use his savings to buy a computer instead.

During dessert, Dave suddenly reached into his pocket and pulled out an engagement ring.

Mary was stunned, but after she collected herself, she looked up and prompted:

“Well, don’t you have something to ask me?”

Dave then got down on bended knee.

“Honey,” he said, “Will you buy me a new computer?”