Daily Joke: Jokes Library

Two Hunters From Moscow Charter Fly To Siberia To Go, Bear Hunting.

On landing, the pilot says,

“Remember, this plane can only fly with two hunters, one pilot, and ONE bear.”

The hunters go out and return with two bears.

So the pilot says,

“I told you ONE bear!”

But the hunters point out that the previous year, on payment of an extra 100 rubles, the pilot had let them put two bears on board.

After long discussion centring on the impossibility of the thing and the disgraceful degree of inflation, the pilot takes 200 rubles and with much pushing and shoving the hunters get

aboard with the two bears.

After struggling into the air and fitfully flying for about two hours, the plane gives up and plummets to the earth in a snowbank.

Climbing out from under the snow and the bears, the hunters ask the pilot where he thinks they are.

The pilot says, “About the same place where we crashed last year.”

An Elderly Cowboy Slim Joe was telling his fellow cowboys back on the ranch about his first visit to a big-city church.

He said,

“When I got there, they had me park my old truck in the corral.”

Cowboy Slick said,

“You mean the parking lot?” Slick was a bit more worldly than Slim.

Slim said, “Then, I walked up the trail to the door.

Slick said, “You mean, the sidewalk to the door.

Slim said,

“Well, I guess. Once I was inside the door, I was met by this city-slicker dude.”

Slick growing frustrated said,

“Slim, that would be the usher.”

Slim nodded and said,

“Okay, well, the usher led me down the chute.”

Slick snarled and said, “You mean the aisle!”

Slim continued and said,

” Then, he led me to a stall and told me to sit there.”

Slick only responded with a one-word correction, “Pew!”

Slim said,

“Yeah, that’s what that pretty lady said when I sat down beside her.”

A young man named John received a parrot as a gift.

The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary.

Every word out of the bird’s mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity.

John tried and tried to change the bird’s attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and doing anything else he could think of to ‘clean up’ the bird’s vocabulary.

Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot.

The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder.

John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer.

For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed.

Then suddenly there was total quiet.

Not a peep was heard for over a minute.

Fearing that he’d hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer.

The parrot calmly stepped out onto John’s outstretched arms and said

“I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I’m sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude

and unforgivable behaviour.”

John was stunned at the change in the bird’s attitude.

As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behaviour, the bird spoke-up, up very softly,

“May I ask what the turkey did?”

The professor showed a large cage with a male rat in it.

The rat was in the middle of the cage.

Then, the professor kept a piece of cake on one side and kept a female rat on the other side.

The male rat ran towards the cake and ate it.

Then, the professor changed the cake and replaced it with some bread.

The male rat ran towards the bread.

This experiment went on with the professor changing the food every time.

And, every time, the male rat ran towards the food item and never towards the female rat.

Professor said: This experiment shows that food is the greatest strength and attraction.

Then, one of the students from the back rows said,

“Sir, why don’t you change the female rat? This one may be his wife!”

Little Johnny failed the law & decided to make a deal with professor

Little Johnny: sir, do u know everything about law?

Prof: yes

Little Johnny; if you can answer this question, I will accept my final marks, if you can’t, you have to give me ‘A” professor agreed

Then Johnny asked,

‘what is legal but not logical, logical but not legal & neither legal nor logical?

The prof thought about it for hours & pondered… But no answer.

He had to finally give up as he really did not know.

He gave the boy his ‘A’ The following day, the professor asked the same question to his students.

He was shocked when all of them raised their hands.

He asked one student the same question.

He answered:

Sir, you’re 65, married to 28 years old, this is legal but not logical. Your wife is having an affair with a 23-year-old boy, this is logical but not legal. Your wife’s boyfriend has failed his

exam & yet you have given him an ‘A’ It’s neither logical nor legal!

The professor collapsed!