Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.

The wife said,

“You should do it because you get up first, and then we don’t have to wait as long to get our coffee.”

The husband said,

“You are in charge of the cooking around here so you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.

“Wife replies,

“No, you should do it, and besides it says in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.”

The husband replies,

“I can’t believe that! Show me.”

So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says,

“HEBREWS.”

Two men are having an awfully slow round of golf because the two ladies in front of them managed to get into every sand trap, lake, and rough on the course,

and they didn’t bother to wave the men on through, which is proper golf etiquette.

After two hours of waiting and waiting, one man said,

“I think I’ll walk up there and ask those gals to let us play through.”

He walked out to the fairway, got halfway to the ladies, stopped,turned around and came back, explaining,

“I can’t do it. One of those women is my wife and the other is my mistress. Maybe you’d better go talk to them.”

The second man walked toward the ladies, go halfway there and, just as his partner had done, stopped,turned around and walked back.

He smiled sheepishly and said, “Small World!”

An old man and an old woman are sitting in their rocking chair.

The old woman embroiders while the old man reads the paper.

The old woman looks at him with remembrance in her eyes, and she says,

“Honey you don’t ever sit next to me like you used to. “

He puts the paper down and scoots over close to her.

Then she says

“Honey you don’t ever put your arm around me anymore.”

He again Puts the paper down and puts his arm around her.

She said, “Honey you never nibble on my ear anymore. “

He gets up and walks away!

She said

“Honey where are you going “and

He said,

” gotta go get my teeth.”

A vain lion wanted to find out why the other animals were not as beautiful as he.

First he asked a giraffe.

The giraffe did not know.

Next, the lion asked a bear.

The bear had no answer.

Then the lion asked a hippopotamus and again got no answer.

Finally, the lion met a mouse.

He asked the mouse,

“Tell me, why aren’t you as big, as strong, and as beautiful as I am?”

The mouse looked up at the lion and said,

“Well, I have been sick.”

A single guy decided life would be more fun if he had a pet.

So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet.

After some discussion, he finally bought a talking centipede, which came in a little white box to use as his house.

He took the box back home, and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to church with him.

So he knocked on the box and asked the centipede,

“Would you like to go to church with me today? We will have a good time.”

But there was no answer from his new pet.

This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked again,

“How about going to church with me and receiving blessings?”

But again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet.

So he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation.

Finally, the guy decided to give the centipede one last chance.

This time he put his face right up against his pet’s house and shouted,

“Hey, in there! Would you like to go to Church with me and learn about God?”

This time, a rather annoyed little voice came out of the box,

“I heard you the first time! I’m putting my shoes on.”