05/01/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17086
On landing, the pilot says,
“Remember, this plane can only fly with two hunters, one pilot, and ONE bear.”
The hunters go out and return with two bears.
So the pilot says,
“I told you ONE bear!”
But the hunters point out that the previous year, on payment of an extra 100 rubles, the pilot had let them put two bears on board.
After long discussion centering on the impossibility of the thing and the disgraceful degree of inflation, the pilot takes 200 rubles and with much pushing and shoving the hunters get
aboard with the two bears.
After struggling into the air and fitfully flying for about two hours, the plane gives up and plummets to the earth in a snowbank.
Climbing out from under the snow and the bears, the hunters ask the pilot where he thinks they are.
The pilot says, “About the same place where we crashed last year.”
04/30/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17083
A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon.
When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother.
Her mother asked, “How was the honeymoon?”
“Oh, Mum,” she replied, “the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic…” Suddenly she burst out crying.
“But, Mum, as soon as we returned Sam started using the most horrible language…things I’d ever heard before! I mean, all these awful 4-letter words! You’ve got to come to get me and
take me home… Please, Mum!”
“Sarah,” her mother said, “Calm down! Tell me, what could be so awful? What 4-letter words?”
“Please don’t make me tell you, Mum,” wept the daughter, “I’m so embarrassed, they’re just too awful!
Come get me, please!” “Darling, you must tell me what have you so upset.
Tell your mother these horrible 4-letter words!” Still sobbing, the bride said,
“Oh, Mum, they were words like dust, wash, iron, cook!”
04/29/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17081
A husband went to the police station to file a “missing person” report for his missing wife:
Husband: “I lost my wife, she went shopping and hasn’t come back yet.”
Inspector: “What is her height?”
Husband: “I never checked.”
Inspector: “Slim or healthy?”
Husband: “Not slim, she can be healthy.”
Inspector: “Colour of eyes.”
Husband: “Never noticed.”
Inspector: Colour of hair?”
Husband: “It changes according to season.”
Inspector: “What was she wearing?”
Husband: “Not sure. It may have been a dress or maybe a suit.”
Inspector: “Was she driving?”
Husband: “Yes.”
Inspector: “Tell me the type and colour of the car?”
Husband: “A black Audi A8 with supercharged 3.0-litre V6 engine generating 333 horsepower teamed with an eight-speed Tiptronic automatic transmission with manual mode. It has full LED headlights, which use light-emitting diodes for all light functions. It has a very thin scratch on the front left door and then the husband started crying.”
Inspector: “Don’t worry sir, we will find your car!”
04/28/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17079
A student failed in the final law exam and decided to make a deal with the professor.
Student: Sir can I ask you one question?
Professor: Yes
Student: If you can answer this question, I will accept my final mark, if you can’t, you will have to give me an “A” grade.
The professor agreed.
Student asked: “what is legal but not logical, logical but not legal, and neither legal nor logical?”
Professor thought about it for hours and pondered, but couldn’t think of an answer.
He had to finally give up as he really didn’t know the answer.
He gave his boy an”A” grading as promised.
The following day professor asked same question to his students,He was shocked when all of them raised their hands.
He asked one student
He answered:
Sir you are 65, married to a 28 years old woman, this is legal but not logical.
Your wife is having an affair with a 23 year old boy, this is logical but not legal.
Your wife’s boyfriend has failed in his exam and yet you have given him an”A” this is neither logical nor legal. Professor fainted….
04/27/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17075
Tim decided to tie the knot with his long-time girlfriend.
One evening, after the honeymoon, he was organizing his golfing equipment.
His wife was standing nearby watching him.
After a long period of silence she finally speaks:
“Tim, I’ve been thinking, now that we’re married maybe it’s time you quit golfing. You spend so much time on the course. You could probably get a good price for your clubs.”
Tim gets this horrified look on his face.
She says, “Darling, what’s wrong?”
“For a minute there you were beginning to sound like my ex-wife.”
“Ex-wife!” she screams,
“I didn’t know you were married before!”
“I wasn’t,” he replied.