07/02/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17293
After suffering a heart attack and having quadruple bypass surgery,
An old man woke up to find himself in a Catholic hospital with nuns taking care of him.
As they nursed him back to health,
One of the nuns asked him if he had health insurance.
“No,” he replied,
“No health insurance.”
“Do you have any money in the bank?” asked the nun.
“No. No money in the bank.”
The nun asked,
“Do you have any relatives you could ask for help?”
The old man replied,
“I only have a spinster sister, who is a nun.”
At this, the nun because irritated.
“Nuns are not spinsters. Nuns are married to God!”
“OK, then,” said the old man.
“Send the bill to my brother-in-law.”
07/01/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17289
A young couple moves into a new neighborhood.
The next morning while they are eating breakfast,
The young woman sees her neighbor hanging the wash outside….
“That laundry is not very clean”, she said.
“She doesn’t know how to wash correctly. Perhaps she needs better laundry soap.”
Her husband looked on, but remained silent.
Every time her neighbor would hang her wash to dry,
The young woman would make the same comments.
About one month later, the woman was surprised to see a Nice clean wash on the line and said to her husband:
“Look, she has learned how to wash correctly. I wonder who taught her this.”
The husband said,
“I got up early this morning and Cleaned our windows.”
And so it is with life. What we see when watching others
Depends on the purity of the window through which we look.
06/30/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17287
A single guy was living with his elderly father and running the family business.
He realized he was going to inherit a fortune once his ailing father died and decided he needed a wife to share his life.
One day at the bank, he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen and made his move.
“I may look like just an ordinary guy,” he said to her.
“But in a few years, my father will die and I’ll inherit 10 million dollars.”
Impressed, the woman asked for his business card.
A month later, she became his stepmother.
06/29/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17284
Two men were having a slow round of golf because the two ladies in front of them managed to get into every sand trap, lake, and rough on the course.
They didn’t bother to wave the men on through, which is proper golf etiquette.
After two hours of waiting and waiting, one man said:
“I think I’ll walk up there and ask those gals to let us play through.”
He walked out the fairway, got halfway to the ladies, stopped, turned around, and came back, explaining:
“I can’t do it. One of those women is my wife and the other is my mistress! Maybe you’d better go talk to them.”
The second man walked toward the ladies, got halfway there and, just as his partner had done, stopped, turned around and walked back and said:
“Small world.”
06/28/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17280
Teacher: “If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?”
Johnny: “Seven.”
Teacher: “No, listen carefully… If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?”
Johnny: “Seven.”
Teacher: “Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?”
Johnny: “Six.”
Teacher: “Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?”
Johnny: “Seven!”
Teacher: “Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!”
Johnny: “Because I’ve already got a cat!”