Daily Joke: Jokes Library

The old man placed an order for one hamburger, French fries and a drink.

He unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half, placing one half in front of his wife.

He then carefully counted out the French fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife

He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them were looking over and whispering.

Obviously, they were thinking,

‘ That poor old couple – all they can afford is one meal for the two of them.’

As the man began to eat his fries a young man came to the table and politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple.

The old man said they were just fine – they were used to sharing everything.

People closer to the table noticed the little old lady hadn’t eaten a bite.

She sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink.

Again, the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another meal for them. This time the old woman said

‘No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything.’

Finally, as the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the napkin, the young man again came over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asked

‘What is it you are waiting for?’

She answered……’THE TEETH

An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area.

Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy.

He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled,

“Pull, Nellie, pull!” Buddy didn’t move.

Then the farmer hollered,

“Pull, Buster, pull!”

Buddy didn’t respond.

Once more the farmer commanded,

“Pull, Coco, pull!” Nothing.

Then the farmer nonchalantly said,

“Pull, Buddy, pull!”

And the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch.

The motorist was most appreciative and very curious.

He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times.

The farmer said,

“Oh, Buddy is blind and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn’t even try!”

After a tiring day, a young lady settled down in her local train seat and closed her eyes.

As the train rolled out of the station, the guy sitting next to her, pulled out his cell phone and started talking in a loud voice.

“Hi Sweetheart, its john, I’m on the Train”

“Yes, I know it’s Six thirty and not four thirty, but I had A Long Meeting”

“No, honey, I was not with Cathy from the Accounts Office, I was with the Boss attending the meeting”

“No Sweetheart,

You’re the only one in My life”

“Yes, I’m sure dear”.

Fifteen minutes later, he was still talking loudly.

When the Young Woman sitting next to him had enough, she leaned over and said into the phone,

“John darling, hang up the phone and come back to bed.”

That was the last time john used his cell phone in Public

It was raining hard and a big puddle had formed in front of an Irish pub.

An old man stood beside the puddle holding a stick with a string on the end and jiggled it up and down in the water.

A curious gentleman asked what he was doing.

“Fishing,” replied the old man.

Poor old fool,” thought the gentleman.

So he invited the old man to have a drink in the pub.

Feeling he should start some conversation while they were sipping their whisky, the gentleman asked,

“And how many have you caught?”

You’re the eighth.”

An old biker walks into the front door of a bar.

He is obviously drunk, and staggers up to the bar, seats himself on a stool and, with a belch, asks the bartender for a drink.

The bartender politely informs the man that it appears that he has already had plenty to drink, he could not be served additional liquor at this bar, and could a cab be called for him?

The biker is briefly surprised, then softly scoffs, grumbles, climbs down off the bar stool and staggers out the front door.

A few minutes later, the same biker stumbles in the SIDE door of the bar.

He wobbles up to the bar and hollers for a drink.

The bartender comes over and, still politely – but more firmly, refuses service to the man due to his inebriation, and again offers to call a cab.

The biker looks at the bartender for a moment angrily, curses, and shows himself out the side door, all the while grumbling and shaking his head.

A few minutes later, he bursts in through the BACK door of the bar.

He plops himself up on a bar stool, gathers his wits and belligerently orders a drink.

The bartender comes over and emphatically reminds the man that he is clearly drunk, will be served no drinks, and either a cab or the police will be called immediately.

The surprised biker looks at the bartender, and in hopeless anguish, cries

“MAAAN! How many bars do you work at?!!?