Daily Joke: Jokes Library

An old man from Alabama moves to New York.

He walks into an “Everything under one roof” department store looking for a job.

He sits down, greets the manager, and shakes his hand.

The manager says,

“Do you have any sales experience?”

The man replies,

“Yes, I was a salesman back home in Alabama.”

They talk and get to know each other and the manager likes him so he gave him the job.

“You start tomorrow. I’ll come by after we close and see how you did.”

His first day on the job was rough, but he pulled through it.

After the store closed, the manager came down just like he said,

“How many customers bought something from you today?”

The man replies, “One.”

The boss looks at him and shouts, “Just one!?

Our salespeople have an average of 20 to 30 customers per day! “.

“How much was the sale for!?”

The man replies “$121,237.65”

The boss was now shocked: “What did you sell?”

The man says, “First I sold him a small fishhook. Then I sold him a medium fishhook. Then I sold him a larger fishhook. Then a new fishing rod. So I asked him where he was going to fish and he said on the coast, so I told him he needed a good boat, we went down to that department, and he got a twin-engine Boston Whaler. Then he said he didn’t think his Honda Civic would pull the boat, so I took him to the automotive department and sold him a truck.

Want better stock trading conditions?

The boss frowned and said,

“A man came here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and a truck???”

The man replied,

“No, the guy actually came here to buy some t.a.m.p.o.n.s for his wife and I said, “Man, your weekend’s busted, might as well go fishing’.

The following day, the boss gave the old man a promotion…

A bald eagle decides to stop by a small lake to get a drink.

As he’s drinking another bald eagle lands next to him.

He looks at the eagle and notices a tulip, a rose, and a rabbit’s foot on top of his head.

“What’s with the stuff on your head?”, the eagle asks.

“Oh this?”, he points to his head with his wing,

“I’m trying hare in plants.”

Four older women are sitting around playing Bridge.

The first lady says,

“You know girls, I have known you all a long time and there is something I must get off my chest. I am a kleptomaniac. But, don’t worry, I have never stolen from you and I never will; we have been friends for too long.”

The second Lady says,

“Well, since we are having true confessions here, I must get something off my chest too. I am a nymphomaniac. But don’t worry, I have never made a play for your husbands. They don’t interest me and never will; we have been friends for too long.”

“Well,” says the third lady,

“I, too, must confess something. I am a lesb!@n. But do not worry, I will not bother you. You are not my type. We have been friends too long for me to ruin our friendship.”

The fourth lady stands up, says,

“I have a confession to make also. I am an uncontrollable gossip, and I have some phone calls to make!

A Dog Walks Into A Butcher Shop.

The butcher asks, “What do you want?”

The dog points to steak in a glass case.

“How many pounds?” The dog barks twice.

“Anything else?” The dog points to some pork chops and barks four times.

So the butcher wraps up a two-pound steak and four pork chops and places the bag in the dog’s mouth.

He then takes money from a purse tied around the dog’s neck and sees him out.

A customer, who has been watching in amazement, follows the dog to a house several blocks away, where it rings the doorbell to be let in.

As the owner appears at the door, the customer says,

“What a remarkable dog!”

“Remarkable?” snorts the owner.

“This is the second time this week he’s forgotten his keys.”

A dog and a cat were having an argument about who is the favourite of humans.

The dog says,

“Humans like us more. They even named a tooth (canine) after us. Naming such an important body part after us shows that they like us more.”

The cat smiles and says,

“You’re not really going to win this one you know.”