Daily Joke: Jokes Library

An old French lady had a small shop in her village for years until one day a huge corporate supermarket set up across the road from her little shop:

They put up signs advertising their prices, including one that said: Butter – 10 euros

In response, the old lady added a sign to her own window: Butter – 9 euros

The next day, the big supermarket had a new sign: Butter – 8 euros

Sure enough, the day after the lady’s sign now read: Butter – 7 euros

This went on for a while until eventually one of the lady’s customers pointed to the sign and said,

“Madame, you cannot keep your prices so low for long. These big companies can use their buying power to sell products cheaper, but a little store like yours can never compete.”

In response, the old lady bent forward conspiratorially and muttered,

“Monsieur, I don’t even sell butter.”

A young couple came into the church office to fill out a pre-marriage questionnaire form.

The young man, who had never talked to a pastor before, was quite nervous and the pastor tried to put him at ease.

When they came to the question,

“Are you entering this marriage of your own free will?”

There was a long pause.

Finally, the girl looked over at the apprehensive young man and said,

“Put down yes!”

The cowboy was trying to buy a health insurance policy.

The insurance agent was going down the list of standard questions.

“Ever have an accident?”

“Nope, nary a one.”

“None? You’ve never had any accidents.”

“Nope. Ain’t had one. Never.”

“Well, you said in this form you were bitten by a snake once. Wouldn’t you consider that an accident?”

“Heck, no. That dang varmint bit me on purpose.”

An old man, a boy and a donkey were going to town.

The boy rode on the donkey and the old man walked.

As they went along they passed some people who remarked it was a shame the old man was walking and the boy was riding.

The man and boy thought maybe the critics were right,so they changed positions.

Later, they passed some people that remarked,

What a shame, he makes that little boy walk.

They then decided they both would walk.

Soon they passed some more people who thought they were stupid to walk when they had a decent donkey to ride. So, they both rode the donkey.

Now they passed some people that shamed them by saying how awful to put such a load on a poor donkey.

The boy and man said they were probably right, so they decided to carry the donkey.

As they crossed the bridge, they lost their grip on the animal and it fell into the river and drowned.

The moral of the story?

If you try to please everyone, you might as well kiss your *** goodbye.

A lady was scheduled to fly from North Carolina to Germany, where her husband was stationed in the military.

As she checked in at the airport, the security agent asked some standard security questions.

“Has anyone given you any packages that you didn’t pack yourself?” he asked.

She told him her mother-in-law had given her a package to take to her son.

The agent looked at her very carefully and asked:

“Does she like you?”