09/06/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17512
A police officer in Grafton stops at a local farm.
He talks with an old farmer, and tells him.
” I need to inspect your farm for illegally grown drugs”.
The farmer says,
” OKay, but do not go in that field over there,” as he is pointing out the location.
The police officer verbally explodes saying,
” Mister, I have the authority of the federal government with me”.
Reaching into his rear pants pocket, and proudly displays it to the farmer.
” See the badge old man? this badge means I am allowed to go on any land … have I made myself clear”.
The farmer apologizes, nods and goes about his chores.
A short time later the old farmer hears loud screaming, looks up and sees the police officer running in front of the farmers Santa Gertrudis bull.
With every step the officer makes the bull gains two, only seconds before the bull reaches him.
The rancher drops his tools and stands up and yells.
“Your badge, Show him your badge!”
09/05/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17509
A man working in an IT company became sick.
He consulted many multi-facility hospitals but still couldn’t get cured…
He was sad.
Then his wife advised,
“why don’t you consult a veterinary doctor?”
He was shocked.
He screamed at her,
‘ Are you mad?’
She spoke softly,
‘ Nothing happened to me… It is you have a problem. You wake up early in the morning like cock, take a half bath like a crow, eat something like a monkey, and then run to the office like a racehorse, there you work like a donkey, and you scream to your juniors like a wild bear, evening you reach home and bark at us like a dog, then you eat like a crocodile, at night you go to bed and sleep like a buffalo. That’s the reason why I asked you to meet a veterinary doctor.’
The man just sat and gaped at her.
The wife asked, Now why are u looking at me like an owl?’
09/04/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17505
There once was a baby elephant and a baby turtle drinking from a river deep in the jungle.
For no reason, the turtle reaches over and bites the elephant’s tail, really hard.
Years and years later, the same elephant, now grown up, is by the same river, having a drink with his giraffe buddy, when the same turtle that bit him on the tail all those years ago wanders up to the river.
The elephant rears back a leg and kicks the turtle as hard as he can, sending him flying way off into the jungle.
“Why did you do that?” the giraffe asks.
“When we both were babies, that turtle bit my tail for no reason,” the elephant replied.
“Wow! You must have a good memory!” exclaimed the giraffe.
“Yep!” said the elephant. “I’ve got Turtle-Recall.”
09/03/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17502
Dave treated Mary to a special dinner where the conversation turned to the subject of marriage.
Dave had been saving for an engagement ring, but he was in graduate school and in dire need of a new computer.
Mary was understanding, telling Dave they had the rest of their lives to get engaged, so he should use his savings to buy a computer instead.
During dessert, Dave suddenly reached into his pocket and pulled out an engagement ring.
Mary was stunned, but after she collected herself, she looked up and prompted:
“Well, don’t you have something to ask me?”
Dave then got down on bended knee.
“Honey,” he said, “Will you buy me a new computer?”
09/02/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17496
A woman saw an ad in the local newspaper which read:
“Purebred Police Dog $25.”
Thinking that it to be a great bargain, she called and ordered the dog to be delivered.
The next day a van arrived at her home and delivered the mangiest-looking mongrel she had ever seen.
In a rage, she telephoned the man who had placed the ad, “How dare you call that mangy-mutt a purebred police dog?”
“Don’t let his looks deceive you, ma’am,” the man replied, “He’s in the Secret Service.”