11/03/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17689
A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick up a few things, when he noticed an old lady following him around.
Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on.
Finally he went to the checkout line, but she got in front of him.
“Pardon me,” she said,
“I’m sorry if my staring at you has made you feel uncomfortable. It’s just that you look just like my son, who just died recently.”
“I’m very sorry,” replied the young man,
“is there anything I can do for you?”
“Yes,” she said,
“As I’m leaving, can you say ‘Good bye, Mother’? It would make me feel so much better.”
“Sure,” answered the young man.
As the old woman was leaving, he called out,
“Goodbye, Mother!”
As he stepped up to the checkout counter, he saw that his total was $127.50.
“How can that be?” He asked,
“I only purchased a few things!”
“Your mother said that you would pay for her,” said the clerk.
11/02/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17687
An extremely modest old man was in the hospital for a series of tests.
The last test had left his bodily systems extremely upset.
Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided the latest episode was another and stayed put.
He suddenly filled his bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational.
In a complete loss of composure, he jumped out of bed, gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window.
An elderly drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him.
He started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms violently trying to get the unknown things off, and ended up with the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet.
As the drunk stood there, unsteady on his feet, staring down at the sheets, a hospital security guard (barely containing his laughter) who had watched the whole incident walked up and asked,
“What the heck is going on here?”
The drunk, still staring down replied:
“I think I just be****t the sh***************t out of a ghost”
11/01/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17684
Frank and John left the bar after a long night of drinking, jumped in the car and started it up.
After a couple of minutes, an old man appeared in the passenger window and tapped lightly.
John, the passenger screamed, “Look at the window. There’s an old ghost’s face there!”
Frank, the driver sped up, but the old man’s face stayed in the window.
John rolled his window down part way and scared out of his wits, said, “What do you want?”
The old man softly replied, “You got any tobacco?”
John handed the old man a cigarette and yelled, “Step on it,” to the Frank, rolling up the window in terror.
A few minutes later we calmed down and started laughing again.
Frank said, “I don’t know what happened, but don’t worry we’re doing 80 now.” All of a sudden there was a light tapping on the window and the old man reappeared.
“There he is again,” John yelled. He rolled down the window and shakily said, “Yes?”
“Do you have a light?” the old man quietly asked.
John threw a lighter out the window saying, “Step on it!”
We were flooring it and going about 100 miles an hour, trying’ to forget what we had just seen and heard, when all of a sudden there came some more tapping.
“Oh my God! He’s back!” John rolled down the window and screamed in stark terror, “WHAT NOW?”
The old man gently replied,
“You want some help getting out of the mud?”
10/31/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17680
Two old women are discussing the disgusting habits of their husbands.
“Even after all these years, my husband will not stop biting his nails,” the first woman explains.
“My husband had the same habit,” the second woman explained
“but I fixed that. I just hid his teeth.”
10/30/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17676
Two men are working on a telephone pole.
A little old lady walks by and one of the men yeII to her,
“Hey lady, can you move that wire off the sidewalk for us!”
She picks it up and moves it from the sidewalk.
The second electrician says,
“I told you it wasn’t live.”