11/13/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17731
The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just gotten married for the fourth time.
The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband’s occupation.. “He’s a funeral director,” she answered.
“Interesting,” the newsman thought… He then asked her if she wouldn’t mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living.
She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years. After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she had first married a banker when she was in her 20’s, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40’s, and a preacher when in her 60’s, and now – in her 80’s – a funeral director.
The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers.
(Wait for it…)
– She smiled and explained, “I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go.”
11/12/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17729
The pastor had a kitten that climbed up a tree in his backyard and then was afraid to come down.
The pastor coaxed, offered warm milk, etc.
The kitty would not come down.
The tree was not sturdy enough to climb, so the pastor decided that if he tied a rope to his car and pulled it until the tree bent down, he could then reach up and get the kitten.
That’s what he did, all the while checking his progress in the car.
He then figured if he went just a little bit further, the tree would be bent sufficiently for him to reach the kitten.
But as he moved the car a little further forward, the rope broke.
The tree went ‘boing!’ and the kitten instantly sailed through the air – out of sight.
The pastor felt terrible.
He walked all over the neighbourhood asking people if they’d seen a little kitten.
No. Nobody had seen a stray kitten.
So he prayed, ‘Lord, I just commit this kitten to your keeping,’ and went on about his business.
A few days later he was at the grocery store and met one of his church members.
He happened to look into her shopping cart and was amazed to see cat food.
This woman was a cat hater and everyone knew it, so he asked her, Why are you buying cat food when you hate cats so much?’
She replied, ‘You won’t believe this,’ and then told him how her little girl had been begging her for a cat, but she kept refusing.
Then a few days before, the child had begged again, so the Mom finally told her little girl,
‘Well, if God gives you a cat, I’ll let you keep it.’
She told the pastor, ‘I watched my child go out in the yard, get on her knees, and ask God for a cat.
And really, Pastor, you won’t believe this, but I saw it with my own eyes:
A kitten suddenly came flying out of the blue sky, with its paws outspread, and landed right in front of her.’
Moral of the story:
Never underestimate the power of God and His unique sense of humour.
11/11/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17726
A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave.
The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating,
“Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?”
The first man approached him and said,
“Sir, I don’t wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I’ve ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?”
The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied,
“My wife’s first husband.”
11/10/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17723
A man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said,
“If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.”
He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said,
“If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will tell everyone how smart and brave you are and how you are my hero”
The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said,
“If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will be your loving companion for an entire week.”
The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket.
The frog then cried out,
“If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I’ll stay with you for a year and do ANYTHING you want.”
Again the man took the frog out, smiled at it, and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked,
“What is the matter? I’ve told you I’m a beautiful princess, that I’ll stay with you for a year and do anything you want. Why won’t you kiss me?”
The man said,
“Look, I’m a computer programmer. I don’t have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool.”
11/09/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17720
An elderly couple was having breakfast one fine morning.
when the wife ask her husband,
“Are you going to marry right after I die?”
What a depressing question? Here we are enjoying this beautiful morning and you bring up this grieving question.
That night, she asked that question again and for the following 3 days she keeps bopping that question and so he finally said
“yes, are you satisfied ? “
And she said, are you going to sell the house? he said, no!
Are you going to sell our bed? Why no !
are you going to let her have my golf clubs?
He said,
” No I don’t think so, she is left-handed”