Daily Joke: Jokes Library

Two men are having an awfully slow round of golf because the two ladies in front of them managed to get into every sand trap, lake, and rough on the course,

and they didn’t bother to wave the men on through, which is proper golf etiquette.

After two hours of waiting and waiting, one man said,

“I think I’ll walk up there and ask those gals to let us play through.”

He walked out to the fairway, got halfway to the ladies, stopped,turned around and came back, explaining,

“I can’t do it. One of those women is my wife and the other is my mistress. Maybe you’d better go talk to them.”

The second man walked toward the ladies, go halfway there and, just as his partner had done, stopped,turned around and walked back.

He smiled sheepishly and said, “Small World!”

A farmer comes home to find his sheepdog waiting for him.

The sheepdog says:

“I herded the sheep into the barn, just like you asked!”

“You sure you got them all?” The farmer replies.

“Yep! All 40 of them!” Says the sheepdog.

“40? But I only have 37 sheep.” Replies the farmer.

The sheepdog answers:

“I know. I rounded them up for you.”

A woman saw an ad in the local newspaper which read:

“Purebred Police Dog $25.”

Thinking that it to be a great bargain, she called and ordered the dog to be delivered.

The next day a van arrived at her home and delivered the mangiest-looking mongrel she had ever seen.

In a rage, she telephoned the man who had placed the ad, “How dare you call that mangy-mutt a purebred police dog?”

“Don’t let his looks deceive you, ma’am,” the man replied, “He’s in the Secret Service.

A little old man told his wife,

“I have to go to my doctor’s appointment now. I’ll see you later.”

After he left, his wife sat down on the couch and watched television.

A news report came on that someone was driving down the interstate highway in the wrong direction.

Knowing that that was the route he would be on, she called to warn him,

“Honey, there’s a car going in the wrong direction!”

The husband replied,

“They’re all going in the wrong direction!”

A life-long city man, tired of the rat race, decided he was going to give up the city life, move to the country, and become a chicken farmer.

He found a nice, used chicken farm, which he bought.

Turns out that his next-door neighbour was also a chicken farmer.

The neighbor came for a visit one day and said,

“Chicken farming isn’t easy. Tell you what. To help you get started, I’ll give you 100 chickens.”

The new chicken farmer was thrilled.

Two weeks later the new neighbour stopped by to see how things were going.

The new farmer said, “Not too good. All 100 chickens died.”

The neighbor said, “Oh, I can’t believe that. I’ve never had any trouble with my chickens. I’ll give you 100 more.”

Another two weeks went by, and the neighbor stops in again.

The new farmer says, “You’re not going to believe this, but the second 100 chickens died too.”

Astounded, the neighbor asked, “what went wrong? What did you do to them?”

Well, says the new farmer,

“I’m not sure whether I’m planting them too deep or not far apart enough.”