01/06/2024 from Daily Jokes
#17940
Early morning Husband woke up his wife and asked her:
“Honey would you like to join me for Yoga?”
She: “Ohh. So you mean to say I am fat?”
Hubby: “No. Yoga is good for health.”
She: “Oh.. that means I am sick.”
Hubby: “No no. If you don’t want to get up, then it’s OK.”…
She: “So now you think I am lazy, ha?”
Hubby: “Nooo. You are misunderstanding me. I didn’t mean….”
She: “Aha ! So I don’t understand you, right?”
Hubby: “Now look I didn’t say that.”
She: “So am I lying? “
Hubby: Plz “don’t stretch it in the morning”
She: “Oh wow. So I am a quarrelsome lady.”
Hubby: “All right ! Its better that I also don’t go for Yoga.”
She: “See ? You never wanted to go. Just wanted to blame me.”
HUBBY: “Ok You go off to sleep. I am going alone.. happy?.”
SHE: “You always go alone everywhere and enjoy.”
Hubby: “Plz . I am feeling giddy now “
She: “See? You are so selfish. Always think of yourself only. Never think of my health.”
Grrrrrr…
Husband is sitting and thinking where he went wrong
01/05/2024 from Daily Jokes
#17937
An arrogant professor boards a plane and gets a seat beside an old man.
Mid-flight, the professor decides to play a game with the old man and prove he’s intellectually superior, so he turns to him and says:
“Hey, do you want to play a little game with me?”
The old man looks at him and says: “Depends. What type of game?”
The professor goes on to explain the game:
“Taking turns, we’ll ask each other one question at a time. If the other knows the answer, the asker gives him one dollar, and if he doesn’t, he gives one dollar to the asker. Want to play?”
The professor grins, knowing his general knowledge is vastly superior.
To his dismay, the old man refuses! Determined to make him agree, the professor raises the stakes for him.
“If I lose, I ‘ll give you two dollars instead of one!”
“No.”
“Five dollars!”
“No.”
“Ten dollars!”
“I told you, no.”
Desperate, the professor makes one final offer: “If I lose, I’ll give you a hundred dollars, and if you lose you’ll only give me one!”
The professor pleads. The old man ponders this, and then sighs. “Only if I get to start”, and the professor immediately agrees.
“Ask away”, the professor says, confident he’ll never lose.
The old man asks: “What has five heads, forty feet, and lives inside of a bucket?”
The professor turns the riddle over in his head, trying to find anything that fits the description.
After an hour of intense concentration, the professor gives up. G rumbling, he pulls out his wallet and gives the old man $100.
He wastes no time and asks him: “So what has five heads, forty feet, and lives inside of a bucket?”
The old man smiles, shrugs and says:
“I’ve got no idea. Here’s your dollar.”
01/04/2024 from Daily Jokes
#17934
The 6th grade school teacher asked,
“What do you want to be when you grow up?”
Little Johnny says:
“I wanna become a billionaire , going to the most expensive clubs, will find me the finest whore, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in
Miami, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel all over Europe, an Infinite Visa Card, and all the while banging her like a loose screen door in a hurricane.”
The teacher, shocked and not knowing what to do with this horrible response from little Johnny, decides not to acknowledge what he said and simply tries to continue with the lesson.
“And how about you, Sarah?”
“I wanna be Johnny’s Wife!!”
01/03/2024 from Daily Jokes
#17931
A horse in in a pub having a few beers when he spots a donkey in the corner, so he goes over for a chat….
The donkey asks “What do you do for a living?”
The horse says “I run on the flats in the summer and do the jumps in the winter.”
And the donkey says “I work with the kids on the beach.”
He then ask the horse “Did you win anything?”
The horse replies
“Yes, on the flats I won the Oaks, St Leger and the Derby. And over the jumps I won the Grand National and the Gold Cup.”
They arrange to meet at the donkey’s house the following week and the donkey thinks
“I really need to impress this guy…he done everything.”
So he goes out and buys a big picture of a Zebra and hangs it above his fireplace.
The horse arrives and says
“Lovely place you have here and who’s that in the picture on the wall?”
The donkey replies
“That’s me when I played for Juventus..”
01/02/2024 from Daily Jokes
#17928
A very cranky old woman was arrested for shoplifting at a grocery store.
She gave everyone a hard time, from the store manager to the security guard to the arresting officer who took her away.
She complained and criticized everything and everyone throughout the process.
When she appeared before the judge, the judge asked her what she had stolen from the store.
The lady defiantly replied,
“Just a stupid can of peaches.”
The judge then asked why she had done it.
She replied, “I was hungry and forgot to bring any cash to the store.”
The judge asked how many peaches were in the can.
She replied in a nasty tone,
“Nine! But why do you care about that?”
The judge answered patiently,
“Well, ma’am because I’m going to give you nine days in jail — one day for each peach.”
As the judge was about to drop his gavel, the lady’s long-suffering husband raised his hand slowly and asked if he might speak.
The judge said, “Yes sir, what do you have to add?”
The husband said meekly,
“Your Honor, she also stole a can of peas.”