03/01/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18136
A farmer comes home to find his sheepdog waiting for him.
The sheepdog says:
“I herded the sheep into the barn, just like you asked!”
“You sure you got them all?” The farmer replies.
“Yep! All 40 of them!” Says the sheepdog.
“40? But I only have 37 sheep.” Replies the farmer.
The sheepdog answers:
“I know. I rounded them up for you.”
02/29/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18132
A woman saw an ad in the local newspaper which read:
“Purebred Police Dog $25.”
Thinking that it to be a great bargain, she called and ordered the dog to be delivered.
The next day a van arrived at her home and delivered the mangiest-looking mongrel she had ever seen.
In a rage, she telephoned the man who had placed the ad, “How dare you call that mangy-mutt a purebred police dog?”
“Don’t let his looks deceive you, ma’am,” the man replied, “He’s in the Secret Service.
02/28/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18128
A little old man told his wife,
“I have to go to my doctor’s appointment now. I’ll see you later.”
After he left, his wife sat down on the couch and watched television.
A news report came on that someone was driving down the interstate highway in the wrong direction.
Knowing that that was the route he would be on, she called to warn him,
“Honey, there’s a car going in the wrong direction!”
The husband replied,
“They’re all going in the wrong direction!”
02/27/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18125
A life-long city man, tired of the rat race, decided he was going to give up the city life, move to the country, and become a chicken farmer.
He found a nice, used chicken farm, which he bought.
Turns out that his next-door neighbour was also a chicken farmer.
The neighbor came for a visit one day and said,
“Chicken farming isn’t easy. Tell you what. To help you get started, I’ll give you 100 chickens.”
The new chicken farmer was thrilled.
Two weeks later the new neighbour stopped by to see how things were going.
The new farmer said, “Not too good. All 100 chickens died.”
The neighbor said, “Oh, I can’t believe that. I’ve never had any trouble with my chickens. I’ll give you 100 more.”
Another two weeks went by, and the neighbor stops in again.
The new farmer says, “You’re not going to believe this, but the second 100 chickens died too.”
Astounded, the neighbor asked, “what went wrong? What did you do to them?”
Well, says the new farmer,
“I’m not sure whether I’m planting them too deep or not far apart enough.”
02/26/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18118
An angry wife was complaining about her husband spending all his free time in a bar,
so one night he took her along with him.
“What will you have?” he asked.
“Oh, I dont know.
The same as you I suppose,” she replied.
So, the husband ordered a couple of Jack Daniels and threw his down in one shot.
His wife watched him, then took a sip from her glass and immediately spat it out.
“Yuck, thats TERRIBLE!” she spluttered.
“I dont know how you can drink this stuff!”
“Well, there you go,” cried the husband.
“And you think Im out enjoying myself every night!”