Daily Joke: Jokes Library

An old lady is turning 100.

She is in great health for her age and regularly walks to the market, post office and the bank with no problems.

Since she is living in a small town it is a big deal for the town.

On her birthday she is visited by the mayor who presents her with a badge honouring her as the oldest person in the town.

There is also the local TV station doing a report for the evening news about her.

The reporter asks her:

– What is your secret for a long and healthy life?
– It’s simple, – she says – never have I in my entire life argued with another person.
– That is impossible! – the reporter says.
– You’re right. – says the old lady.

Walking up to a department store’s fabric counter, the pretty girl said,

“I would like to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?”

“Only one ki444$ per yard,” replied the male clerk with a smirk.

“That’s fine,” said the girl.

“I’ll take ten yards.”

With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk quickly measured out the cloth, wrapped it up, then teasingly held it out.

The girl snapped up the package, pointed to the old geezer standing beside her, and smiled,

“Grandpa will pay the bill.”

An old lady, a difficult independent, use to sit on a bench in a park to feed the pigeons.

One day, she brought with her a whole bun of fresh bread just to feed her daily company.

Little by little, pinch by pinch, she fed each pigeon with JOY

Then suddenly a man in his early 40s, who was watching her from a distance, came near her and told her that she shouldn’t throw away good food on a bunch of

pigeons that can find food anywhere when there are a lot of people starving in Africa.

The old lady said in crazed anger and without hesitation:

“Well, I can’t throw that far!”

Two old guys, one 80 and the other 87 were sitting on a park bench one morning.

The 87-year-old had just finished his morning jog and wasn’t even short of breath.

The 80-year-old was amazed at the guy’s stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy.

The 87-year-old said,

“Well, I eat rye bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you’ll have great stamina with the ladies.”

So on the way home the 80-year-old stops at the bakery.

As he was looking around, the saleslady asked if he needed any help.

He said, “do you have any rye bread?”

She said, “yes, would you like some?”

The old guy said, yes, 5 loaves please.”

She said,

“my goodness 5 loaves! By the time you get to the third loaf, it’ll be hard.”

The old man says to himself, I can’t believe everybody knows about this!

Husband and wife went to see a marriage councillor,

After he had listened to a twenty minute tirade about how bad a husband he was, the councillor stood up, went round to his wife and embraced her and gave her a hug.

Then turned to husband and said..

“this is what your wife needs three times a week, can you manage that?”

Husband said..”

Well I can drop her off Mondays and Wednesday but I play golf on Fridays!