Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A sweet old lady telephoned St. Joseph ‘s Hospital.

She timidly asked,

“Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?”

The operator said,

“I’ll be glad to help, dear. What’s the name and room number of the patient?”

The old lady in her weak, tremulous voice said,

“Norma Findlay, Room 302.”

The operator replied,

“Let me put you on hold while I check with the nurse’s station for that room.”

After a few minutes, the operator returned to the phone and said,

“I have good news. Her nurse just told me that Norma is doing well. Her blood pressure is fine; her blood work just came back normal, and her

physician, Dr. Cohen, has scheduled her to be discharged tomorrow.”

The old lady said,

“Thank you. That’s wonderful. I was so worried. God bless you for the good news.”

The operator replied,

“You’re more than welcome. Is Norma your daughter?”

The old lady said,

“No, I’m Norma Findlay in Room 302. No one ever tells me anything about how I’m doin’.

A husband and wife were dining at a 5-star restaurant.

When their food arrived, the husband said:

“Our food has arrived! Let’s eat!”

His wife reminded him:

“Honey, you always say your prayers at home before your dinner!”

Her husband replied:

“That’s at home, my dear. Here the chef knows how to cook…”

A herd of cows and two bulls are eating grass out in the pasture.

Suddenly, a great gust of wind comes ripping across the prairie and knocks all the cows to the ground.

But, the bulls just sway in the wind and continue eating.

When the wind quiets down, the cows stand up, brush off the dirt, and start eating again.

A bit later, one cow looks up just in time to see a tornado tearing through the pasture fence.

The tornado knocks the cows every which way, but the bulls just rock back and forth as they are buffeted.

When the cows get back on their feet and pick the straw out of their hide, they all walk over to the bulls.

One cow says,

“Why do we cows get knocked over by wind but you bulls keep standing?”

The two bulls laugh and reply,

“We bulls wobble, but we don’t fall down.”

A horse, a cow, and a chicken live on a farm.

One day their owner goes on vacation but accidentally leaves the TV on.

The animals peek in the window and witness a rock concert on the TV, they’re inspired.

So the horse calls up guitar centre and asks

“hey I want to learn the guitar, but there’s one problem: I’m a horse.”

The employee says “no problem come right down we’ll teach you everything you need to know” and before you know it, he’s jamming out on the guitar.

After that, the cow calls too and says

“hey I want to learn how to play the bass but there’s a problem: I’m a cow” to where the employee replies “awesome! We have special bass lessons just for cows this

week come on down!”

And before you know it the horse and cow are jamming in harmony with their guitar and bass.

Lastly the chicken calls and asks for drum lessons, to where he is accepted with open arms.

They are now all jamming in the barn and having a blast.

A few days later, a record producer coincidentally walks through town and sees the horse, cow, and the chicken making music.

He instantly knows he has to make them famous and offers them a deal.

Now the horse, cow, and chicken are famous, worldwide rockstars making millions of dollars and even moved off the farm to a luxurious estate.

With the fortune came fame and life were great.

One day, on the way to tour before boarding the plane, the horse gets a phone call, his mom is sick!

The cow and the chicken say “don’t worry we’ll go without you, catch up and the tour will continue it’ll be fine”

so the horse goes to check on his mother. It turns out it was a false alarm, but the plane crashes and the cow and chicken die.

The horse is devastated, the money power and fame are gone, the music is in the past, and he is back to the barn, but alone without his friends.

In agony and desperation after such a long journey, he decides to get a drink.

He walks into the bar and the bartender asks:

“Why the long face?”

Two men are having an awfully slow round of golf because the two ladies in front of them managed to get into every sand trap, lake, and rough on the course,

and they didn’t bother to wave the men on through, which is proper golf etiquette.

After two hours of waiting and waiting, one man said,

“I think I’ll walk up there and ask those gals to let us play through.”

He walked out to the fairway, got halfway to the ladies, stopped,turned around and came back, explaining,

“I can’t do it. One of those women is my wife and the other is my mistress. Maybe you’d better go talk to them.”

The second man walked toward the ladies, go halfway there and, just as his partner had done, stopped,turned around and walked back.

He smiled sheepishly and said, “Small World!”