03/21/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18211
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said,”When i get to heaven i will ask Jonah.”
The teacher asked, “What if Jonah went to hell?”
The little girl replied,”Then you ask him.”
03/20/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18208
A small boy named Dave lived in the local village.
None of his classmates liked him because of his stupidity, especially his teacher, who was always yelling at him.
“Dave… you are driving me crazy!”
One day Dave’s mother came into school to check on how he was doing.
The teacher told his mother honestly, that her son is simply a disaster, getting very low marks and even she had never seen such a stupid boy in her entire teaching career!
The mother was shocked at this feedback and withdrew her son from the school and even moved to another town!
25 years later, the teacher was diagnosed with an acute cardio disease!
All the doctors strongly advised her to have an open heart operation, of which only one surgeon could perform.
Left with no other options, the teacher finally decided to have the operation, which was successful.
When she eventually opened her eyes after the surgery she saw a tall handsome Doctor smiling down at her!
She wanted to thank him, but could not talk.
Her face started to turn blue, she raised her hand, trying to tell him something but eventually died!
The Doctor was shocked and was trying to work out what went wrong, when he turned around he saw Dave, working as a cleaner in the Hospital Ward, who had unplugged
the oxygen equipment to connect his Vacuum!
Don’t tell me you thought that Dave became a doctor! Sometimes I worry about you.
03/19/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18205
A boy decides to learn the language of all animals.
– Dad, there is a school where you can learn the language of animals. Please, give me money to go there and study.
Fathers agree and give him money
After a year, the son returns home and the father decides to test his skills
-Son, did you learn the language?
-Yes father. Do you hear the cow mooing? She says that she is about to give you 10 litres of milk.
-That’s impossible, this cow can give no more than a litre.
Dad milked the cow and it actually gave him 10 litres of milk
Dad’s super confused but decided that it was a coincidence
-Do you hear that hen? She says that she is about to lay 5 eggs now
-That’s impossible, that hen has never laid any eggs before.
Dad still goes there and checks for the eggs and there actually are 5 eggs laid
Dad is confused but starts to believe his son
The second day son sees a donkey running away from his dad and hee-hawing.
Dad trying to pull up his trousers and chase the donkey and screaming to his son:
– Don’t trust this donkey, she’s lying, don’t believe it son.
03/18/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18202
Bill and his wife Blanche go to the Yorkshire show every year,
And every year Bill would say,
” Blanche, I’d like to ride in that there ‘elicopter “
Blanche always replied,
” I know Bill, but that ‘elicopter ride is twenty quid, And twenty quid is twenty quid ! “
One year Bill and Blanche went to the fair, and Bill said,
” Blanche, I’m 75 years old. If I don’t ride that there ‘elicopter, I might never get another chance “
To this, Blanche replied,
” Bill that ‘elicopter ride is twenty quid, and twenty quid is twenty quid “
The pilot overheard the couple and said,
” I’ll make you a deal. I’ll take both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don’t say a word I won’t charge you a penny! But if you say one word it’s
twenty quid. “
Bill and Blanche agreed and up they went.
The pilot did all kinds of fancy manoeuvres, but not a word was heard.
He did his daredevil tricks over and over again,
But still not a word…
When they landed, the pilot turned to Bill and said,
” By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn’t..I’m impressed! “
Bill replied,
” Well, to tell you t’truth I almost said summat when Blanche fell out, But tha’ knows, twenty quid is twenty quid”
03/17/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18198
An old hunter was on his way back to the village holding a dead goose he caught.
He met a scammer from another village on the way.
The scammer decided to try his skills on the hunter.
The scammer claimed that the goose was his goose that laid one golden egg every day and now hunter must compensate him for his loss.
To the scammer surprise, hunter apologized without disputing the ridiculous claim.
But said he would like a judge to determine the amount he owes the scammer.
They both agreed to take the matter to the village chief for a fair decision.
Scammer thought he had nothing to lose and took him to his village.
Scammer presented his claim to the chief.
Then hunter made the scammer swore in front of the chief that the goose had been giving him golden eggs and how long it had been.
The scammer repeated the claim and said it had been over a year.
The old man then claimed that he was a very wealthy person from another village and he had been hunting for this goose for over a year and he just caught it.
The goose had been stealing one golden egg a day from his vault.
He then asked the judge to seize all the scammer assets.