Daily Joke: Jokes Library

An elderly couple, a priest, and a doctor walk into a bar

As they are sitting down and drinking, they eventually start talking about conception and the question of

“When does life begin”.

The priest said in the Bible states that life begins at conception Jeremiah 1:5

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you”. This is God’s word so it is true.

The doctor looked at the priest funny and said,

“You cannot be serious, I have been in practice for years and life begins at birth when you breathe your first breath of air.”

The priest and doctor continue to argue their point and as others began to shift their attention to their conversation, the old man spoke.

“You are both wrong, my wife and I fully agree that life begins when your kids finally move out of the house”.

Alan’s wife called him as he was at in the pub last night.

“I’ve cooked dinner,” she screamed,

“And if you’re not home within 20 minutes I’m going to feed it to the dog.”

“Woooah! That’s bang out of order!”

Alan said,

“It’s not his fault.”

The pastor had a kitten that climbed up a tree in his backyard and then was afraid to come down.

The pastor coaxed, offered warm milk, etc.

The kitty would not come down.

The tree was not sturdy enough to climb, so the pastor decided that if he tied a rope to his car and pulled it until the tree bent down, he could then reach up and get the kitten.

That’s what he did, all the while checking his progress in the car.

He then figured if he went just a little bit further, the tree would be bent sufficiently for him to reach the kitten.

But as he moved the car a little further forward, the rope broke.

The tree went ‘boing!’ and the kitten instantly sailed through the air – out of sight.

The pastor felt terrible.

He walked all over the neighbourhood asking people if they’d seen a little kitten.

No. Nobody had seen a stray kitten.

So he prayed, ‘Lord, I just commit this kitten to your keeping,’ and went on about his business.

A few days later he was at the grocery store and met one of his church members.

He happened to look into her shopping cart and was amazed to see cat food.

This woman was a cat hater and everyone knew it, so he asked her, Why are you buying cat food when you hate cats so much?’

She replied, ‘You won’t believe this,’ and then told him how her little girl had been begging her for a cat, but she kept refusing.

Then a few days before, the child had begged again, so the Mom finally told her little girl,

‘Well, if God gives you a cat, I’ll let you keep it.’

She told the pastor, ‘I watched my child go out in the yard, get on her knees, and ask God for a cat.

And really, Pastor, you won’t believe this, but I saw it with my own eyes:

A kitten suddenly came flying out of the blue sky, with its paws outspread, and landed right in front of her.’

Moral of the story:
Never underestimate the power of God and His unique sense of humour.

A man prepares his donkey and dog for a long journey up a mountain.

He places a pack straddle on the donkey’s back and fills everything to maximum weight.

Because of the weight, he decides to pull the donkey along so that it does not become tired as easily.

The man, donkey, and his guard dog now begin the long trip up a mountain to get to the other side.

Hours into their long and quiet trip, the man becomes very tired.

He stops the donkey and decides that he is going to ride it.

Just as he starts to mount the donkey, out of nowhere the donkey says,

“STOP! I’m SICK OF BEING YOUR MULE! I HATE YOU! STOP USING ME!”

The man is bewildered, as he has never once before heard an animal speak, and takes off running as fast as he can back down the mountain, with the dog

right behind him.

As he gets to the bottom in record time, he stops and catches his breath.

He is beyond scared and says in a scared tone,

“Whoa, I have never heard a donkey speak before.”

The dog replies,

“Me neither.”

Husband and wife got into a spat.

so the wife called up her mom and said,

“He argued with me again, I am coming to live with you.”

Mom said,

“No darling, he must pay for his mistake. I am coming to live with you”.