Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A little girl and a little boy were at day care one day.

The girl approaches the boy and says,

“Hey Johnny, want to play Mummies and Daddies?”

He says,

“Sure! What do you want me to do?”

The girl replies,

“I want you to communicate your feelings.”

“Communicate my feelings?” said the bewildered boy.

“I have no idea what that means.”

The little girl smirks and says, “Perfect. You can be the husband.”

A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud knocking on the door.

The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunk stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.

“Not a chance,” says the husband,

“it is 3:00 in the morning!”

He then returns to bed.

“Who was that?” asked his wife.

“Just some guy asking for a push,” he answers.

“Did you help him?” she asks.

“No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it is pouring rain out there!”

“Well, you have a short memory,” says his wife.

“Can’t you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of

yourself!.”

The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pouring rain.

He calls out into the dark,

“Hello, are you still there?”

“Yes,” comes back the answer.

“Do you still need a push?” calls out the husband.

“Yes, please!” comes the reply from the dark.

“Where are you?” asks the husband.

“Over here on the swing set,” replied the drunk.

A lady goes into a bar with her goose.

Then the bartender comes up to her and says:

“Why did you have to bring the pig in with you?”

Then the lady answered:

“Excuse me, I think this is a goose.”

And the bartender says:

“Excuse me, I was talking to the goose.”

Two football players were taking an important final exam.

If they failed, they would be on academic probation and not allowed to play in the Sugar Bowl the following week.

The exam was fill-in-the-blank.

The last question read, “Old MacDonald had a ___.”

Bubba was stumped. He had no idea of the answer.

He knew he needed to get this one right to be sure he passed.

Making sure the professor wasn’t watching, he tapped Tiny on the shoulder.

“Pssst. Tiny. What’s the answer to the last question?”

Tiny laughed. He looked around to make sure the professor hadn’t noticed then he turned to Bubba.

“Bubba, you’re so stupid. Everyone knows Old MacDonald had a farm.”

“Oh yeah,” said Bubba. “I remember now.”

He picked up his No. 2 pencil and started to write the answer in the blank.

He stopped. Reaching to tap Tiny’s shoulder again, he whispered,

“Tiny, how do you spell farm?”

“You are really dumb, Bubba. That’s so easy. Farm is spelled E-I-E-I-O.”

A pig and a chicken were walking by a church where a gala charity event was taking place.

Getting caught up in the spirit,

The pig suggested to the chicken that they each make a contribution.

“Great idea!” the chicken cried.

“Let’s offer them ham and eggs?”

“Not so fast,” said the pig testily.

“For you, that’s a contribution. For me, it’s a total commitment.”