Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A grandma was cleaning her attic with her cat by her side for company.

Amongst the boxes and old papers, she found a little lamp.

She picked it up and wiped it off with her apron, when “POOF” out popped Genie.

“I will grant you three wishes” proclaimed Genie.

The grandma thought for a moment and said

“I wish I was the most beautiful 20-year-old woman in the world, I wish I had more money than I knew what to do with, and I wish you would turn my cat into the most handsome prince around.”

The Genie nodded and after a huge cloud of dust cleared, the Genie was gone and so was the lamp.

The grandma looked at herself and she was certainly beautiful.

She was surrounded by scads of money in Large Bills.

She flung an armful in the air and watched it flutter down around her.

She giggled with delight at the mountains of cash.

Then she turned to look where her adoring cat once stood.

There in the feline’s place stood a tall, dark, handsome man with chiselled features, a washboard stomach, broad shoulders, and a soccer-players-tush.

She walked over to him, he put his arms around her, brushed his hand upon her cheek, looked deep into her eyes and whispered softly,

“Now, aren’t you sorry that you had me n******d?”

A dog enters a telegraph office.

Then he takes a blank form and writes:

“Woof Woof.Woof Woof. Woof Woof. Woof Woof, Woof.”

The clerk examines the paper.

Then he politely tells the dog:

“There are only nine words here. You could send another ‘Woof’ for the same price.”

The dog Looks confused and replies,

“But that would make no sense at all.”

A 50 year old lady, who suddenly started learning how to swim instead of her usual routine work of going to a Church !!!!

Everyone was curious and asked her:

“why the change in your interest to swimming now a days?”

The lady, with a look of helplessness replied:

“Whenever my son and daughter-in-law quarrel each other She ( Daughter-in-law) always asks my son : –

“If your mom and I fall in water, whom will you save first?”

And because I do not want to put my son in a difficult position, so I am learning how to swim!”

A few days later husband and wife were quarrelling again, and the daughter-in-law unreasonably asked:

” now tell me! If your mom and I fall in water, whom will you save first?”

Husband replied:

“I don’t have to get down in the water, my mom knows how to swim, she will save you.”

Wife refused to relent:

“No, you have to jump in the water, and have to save one of us” Husband replied:

“Then you will surely die…. because I don’t know how to swim …. and my mom will definitely save me first.”

A man and woman were having marriage problems, and decided to end their union after a very short time together.

After a most brief attempt to reconcile, the couple went to court to finalize their break-up.

The judge asked the husband,

“What has brought you to this point, where you are not able to keep this marriage together?”

The husband said,

“In the six weeks we’ve been together, we haven’t been able to agree on one thing.”

The wife said, “Seven weeks.

A Football team was on the field during practice,

when to their surprise, a big turkey suddenly walked up to the coach and demanded a tryout.

“Are you crazy,” hollered the coach,

“we don’t give tryouts to turkeys.”

Before he knew it the turkey started dashing towards the football and made a fantastic catch.

“That was amazing,” exclaimed the coach.

“I have never seen anything like that! How much do you want for a year?”

“Don’t worry about money,” said the turkey,

“let me just ask you something, does the season go PAST Thanksgiving?”