07/03/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18572
So an older, white haired man walked into a jewellery store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side.
He told the jeweller he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend .
The jeweller looked through his stock and brought out a £5,000 ring and showed it to him.
The old man said,
“I don’t think you understand, I want something very special.”
At that statement, the jeweller went to his special stock and brought another ring over.
“Here’s a stunning ring at only ££40,000”, the jeweller said.
The young lady’s eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.
The old man seeing this said,
“We’ll take it.”
The jeweller asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, by check.
“I know you need to make sure my cheque is good, so I’ll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I’ll pick the ring up Monday afternoon,” he said.
Monday morning, a very teed-off jeweller phoned the old man.
“There’s no money in that account.”
“I know”, said the old man,
“but can you imagine the weekend I had?”
07/02/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18567
A police officer pulls over an elderly couple He walks up to the driver’s side window and asks the husband for his license and registration.
The wife, hard of hearing, asks
“what?! What did he say to you?”
The husband replies
“he wants my license!”
The officer asks him if he knew how fast he was going.
The wife yells “what?! What did he say to you?”
The husband yells back “he says I was speeding!”
As the officer looks at the license he notices they’re from Ohio
“you know, I used to live in Ohio. Worst place ever. I was seeing this woman there, and it was just miserable. She would never shut up, couldn’t cook worth s!!!!!!!t, constantly belittled me.
The old lady once again yells
“what?! What did he say to you?”
The husband yells back
“he said you two used to date!”
07/01/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18563
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades.
Over the years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures.
Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.
One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said,
“Now don’t get mad at me….I know we’ve been friends for a long time…..but I just can’t think of your name! I’ve thought and thought, but I can’t remember it. Please tell me what your name is.”
Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her.
Finally she said,
“How soon do you need to know?”
06/30/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18559
A couple invites their family over for Thanksgiving to spend the holiday together.
The family gathers, but the couple’s children are late and the mother-in-law complains aloud:
“Ugh, your children, always late.”
Eventually, everyone comes and sits down to eat, the mother-in-law insists on sitting at the head of the table and no one has the strength to argue with her.
After a few minutes, the hungry mother-in-law begins to complain:
“Ugh, what’s with the food here, why is it always late?”
A few minutes later, the couple brings out the meal they have prepared for their family, mostly cooked by the wife.
Everyone eats and the evening continues.
While they are in the middle of their main course, the mother-in-law says:
“Ugh, I better start clearing the dishes so we can at least move on to the last dish on time.”
A mere second after she gets up, the large wall clock hanging over the head of the table falls down, reducing her chair to pieces and almost hitting her.
Everyone is in shock until the bride mumbles to herself:
“Ugh, this clock… always late.”
06/29/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18555
An old lady goes to her bank and presents a cheque for Rs 1000/- to the cashier, a young girl.
Cashier: Dadi ji, you should withdraw such small amounts from the ATM outside. Don’t waste a cheque leaf and my time.
Old lady: What’s the problem with giving me Rs 1000/- cash?
Cashier: Sorry Dadi ji, can’t be done. You either go to the ATM, or increase the amount to be withdrawn.
Old lady: Okay, I want to withdraw all money in my account, keeping a minimum mandatory balance.
The cashier checks her account balance and finds it to be over Rs 80 lakhs! She says_ “we don’t have that much cash in the safe right now. But if you give me a cheque for Rs 80 lakhs, we can arrange
the cash tomorrow.
Old lady: How much can you give me right now?
Cashier: (checks the bank’s cash balance) Dadi ji, I can give you Rs 10 lakhs straight away.
The old lady tears off the earlier cheque of Rs 1000/-, writes a new one for Rs 10 lakhs and hands it to the cashier.
While the young girl is gone to the vault to get the cash, the old lady grabs a cash deposit slip from the public shelf and fills it up.
The young girl returns with the cash, meticulously counts out Rs 10 lakhs, gives it to the old lady and says_
“there you are, Dadi ji. Now you will have to carry this pile home on your own. But count your money before leaving the counter. I won’t entertain any complaint later.”
The old lady picks out two notes of Rs 500/- from the pile, puts them in her purse and says_
“I trust you, I don’t need to count. Now, here’s a cash deposit slip. Please deposit Rs 9,99,000/- into my account and give me the stamped and signed counterfoil. And yes, count the cash in my presence.”
Moral of the story: Don’t mess with senior citizens.