Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A man dreams that he is a chicken.

He walks around the farm and is quite happy pecking on some corn.

Suddenly he feels a big pressure in his stomach.

He asks the other chickens what it could be and he is told that this is quite normal.

He just has to push and out will come an egg.

So he does that. But even though the egg is out, he still feels a strong pressure.

So he asks the other chickens and they say that he has to push some more; that sometimes, chickens lay more than one egg.

So he keeps on pushing and laying one egg after the other.

Suddenly he feels the whole world shaking like in an earthquake.

Out of the sky comes a booming voice of his wife:

“WTF! Wake up!!! You p@ped all over the bed!!!”

A man well into his seventies asks his wife:

“Mary, doesn’t it make you sad when you see me running after those young girls sometimes?”

“Not in the least, Peter,” replies Mary,

Mary added To this

“our dog chases cars all the time and there’s also no chance he could manage to drive one!”

A male and female whale are swimming together in the ocean.

The male whale says,

“You know, all the world is working to save our species.

Environmental groups are working hard, Greenpeace is doing everything they can…

but you still don’t feel like going on a date with me?”

Two pigeons are sitting on a roof, watching the world.

One of them notices a jet plane roaring high up at the sky. ?

He nudges his friend,

”Wow, would you look at that! Look how fast he is!”

The other one shrugs,

“You’d fly like the blazes too if somebody lit your b####t on fire.“

A guy walks up to a caretaker in a dog shelter:

“I’d like to adopt a dog. Do you have one that’s really loyal?”

The caretaker nods,

“Absolutely, you should take Danny over there.”

The man is pleased,

“Excellent. And you’re sure he’s really loyal?”

“Ah, you won’t find a dog more loyal than that. I placed him 5 times these past few months and he’s always come back!”