Daily Joke: Jokes Library

The Little Johnny going to his first day of school,

he looks worried, his dad asks him

“What’s wrong?”

Nervous, the kid asks,

“How long do I have to go to school for?”

“Until you’re 18” says the father.

The kid nods, and thinks about this quietly.

When they get to the front gates of the school, the kid says

“Dad, you will remember to come and get me when I’m 18, won’t you?”

A woman goes into a restaurant with 15 kids.

The kids start goofing around while she’s talking to the waitress.

The mom gets impatient and yells,

“Eddy! Stop that! Or else!” All 15 boys suddenly sit down, obedient and quiet.

The waitress asks,

*”Did you really name all 15 of your boys Eddy?”*

“Yup,” says the woman.

“Makes it easier than trying to remember who’s who every damn time.”

“But what if you only want to talk to one of them for some reason?” the waitress asks.

**”Well, then I just call them by their last names.”

A couple in their 80’s were having problems remembering things,

so they decided to the go the doctor for a checkup.

The doctor tells them that they are physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.

Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair.

His wife asks,

“Where are you going?” “To the kitchen for a drink,” he replies.

She asks, ” Will you get me piece of cake?”

The husband says, “Sure.”

She gently reminds him, “Don’t you think you should write it down so you don’t forget it?”

He says, “No, I can certainly remember that!”

Then the woman says,

“Well, I’d like some strawberries on top. You’d better write it down because I know you’ll forget it.” The man replies, “I can remember that! You want some cake with strawberries.”

She adds, “I’d also like whipped cream on top. Now I’m certain you’re gonna forget that, so you’d better write it down ok.”

Irritated, he says, “I don’t need to write it down woman! I can remember that! Cake with strawberries! And whipped cream!”

He then grumbles into the kitchen.

After about 30 minutes the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.

She stares at the plate for a moment and says,

“Where’s my toast?”

A turtle is sitting on the side of the road when a chicken hops up to him.

“Whatcha doin?” asks the chicken.

“My buddy’s on the other side there, flipped on his back by some hooligans, and I’m waiting for a big enough break in traffic so I can get over there and help him.”

“Why, I’d be happy to do that for you,” replies the chicken.

“Why would you do such a nice thing for me?”

The chicken is deep in thought for a while and finally says,

“I have absolutely no idea.”

A shepherd looks over at his flock of sheep in the pasture.

The day is ending soon, and he has to herd the sheep into their pen for the night.

The shepherd calls for his trusty sheepdog and asks it to get the job done.

“Right away, sir,” says the sheepdog.

10 minutes later, and the shepherd glances out his window to see the sheep safely in their pen.

The sheepdog bounds in through the door to report the completion of its task.

“Excellent work, did you get all of them?” asks the shepherd.

“Yes, all 40 of them.”

The shepherd stares confusedly at the sheepdog.

“Hang on, I thought I only had 37 sheep?”

The sheepdog replies,

“Well yes, I rounded them up.”