Daily Joke: Jokes Library

An elderly Pastor Joe knew that ole Ben was a Saturday night boozer.

He always came to church on Sunday morning but always fell asleep from his Saturday night binges.

Pastor Joe told Ben that he was going to call on Ben at the end of the service.

He was going to ask him what the last song was sung.

If he could tell the congregation the name of the song he could choose the closing song.

Ben fought hard to stay awake and listen as Pastor Joe preached on the evils of alcohol and how every last drop should be gathered up and thrown in the river.

It came time for the question to Ben okay Ben, what was the last song we sang?

Ben said I believe it was about some cross-eyed bear named Gladys.

Pastor Joe smiled and said.

“Well that was pretty close it was actually Gladly the Cross I’d Bear. Go ahead and pick our closing song. Thinking about what the Pastor had preached about

doing with all the alcohol,

he smiled and said

“Shall we gather at the river”

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband is not in their bed.

She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him.

She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him.

He appears deep in thought, just staring at the wall.

She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of coffee.

“What’s the matter, dear?” she whispers as she steps into the room.

“Why are you down here at this time of night?”

The husband looks up, “Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 17?” he asks solemnly.

The wife is touched, thinking her husband is so caring and sensitive.

“Yes, I do,” she replies.

The husband pauses.

The words are not coming easily.

“Do you remember when your father caught us in the backseat of my car?”

“Yes, I remember,” says the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continues, “Do you remember when he shoved a shotgun in my face and said, ‘Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years!’?”

“I remember that too,” she replies softly.

He wipes another tear from his cheek and says, “I would have gotten out today!”

An elderly man, who had lost most of his hearing years ago, visits his doctor to get fitted with hearing aids that promise to restore his hearing completely.

A month later, he returns for a follow-up appointment.

The doctor, pleased with the results, tells him that his hearing is now perfect and asks if his family is happy about it.

The man replies, “Oh, I haven’t mentioned the hearing aids to them yet. I just sit quietly and listen to their conversations.

I’ve already changed my will three times!”

A country doctor went way out to deliver a baby.

Unfortunately, the place was so far out, that there was no electricity.

As soon as the doctor arrived, there was no one who was home except for the lady in labour and her 5-year-old child.

“What’s your name, little man?”

“Johnny.”

“Okay, Johnny, I’d like you to hold this lantern high for me so that I can be able to see while I help your mom deliver the baby, right?”

“Okay.”

Johnny then held up when the doctor began helping the lady.

The mother then began to push and after a little while, the doctor lifted the newborn baby by the feet and spanked him on the bottom to get him to take his first

breath.

Just then, the kid started to cry.

“Now Johnny, congratulations on the job well done. You have a young brother now. So what do you think?”

“Of what?” Asked Johnny.
“Your brother, what do you think o him?”

“I wanna slap him again.” He said.

“What? Why?” Wondered the doctor.

“He is lazy. Why didn’t he just crawl out of there in the first place?”