Daily Joke: Jokes Library

Traveling through the country, an old couple drives into a gas station.

The attendant asks the old man,

“Where you folks from? I know everybody in this town.”

The old man says, “We’re from Nebraska.”

Hard of hearing, the old lady nudges her husband,

“What did he say, Papa ?”

The old man answers her,

“He asked us where we are from.”

“Oh,” replies the old woman.

The old man tells the attendant to fill up the tank and check the tires.

When that’s all done, the attendant tells the old man,

“You know, the worst piece of *** I ever had was from Nebraska.”

The old lady nudges her husband once more and asks,

“What did he say, Papa ?”

The husband replies, “He thinks he knows you, mama.”

An old Doberman starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he’s lost.

Wandering about, he notices a panther heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.

The old Doberman thinks, “Oh, oh! I’m in it now!”

Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat.

Just as the panther is about to leap, the old Doberman exclaims loudly, “Boy, that was one delicious panther! I wonder, if there are any more around here?”

Hearing this, the young panther halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees.

“Whew!,” says the panther, “That was close! That old Doberman nearly had me!”

Meanwhile, a squirrel who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the panther.

So, off he goes.

The squirrel soon catches up with the panther, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the panther.

The young panther is furious at being made a fool of and says, “Here, squirrel, hop on my back and see what’s going to happen to that conniving canine!”

Now, the old Doberman sees the panther coming with the squirrel on his back and thinks, “What am I going to do now?,” but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn’t seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old Doberman says …….
“Where’s that squirrel? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another panther!”

Moral of this story…
Don’t mess with the old dogs…
Age and skill will always overcome youth and treachery!
******** and brilliance only come with age and experience.

A young lady came home from a date, rather sad.

She told her mother, “Jeff proposed to me an hour ago.”

“Then why are you so sad?” her mother asked.

Because he also told me he was an atheist.

“Mom, he doesn’t even believe there’s a hell.”

Her mother replied,

“Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we’ll show him how wrong he is.”

As a group of frogs was traveling through the woods, two of them fell into a deep pit.

When the other frogs crowded around the pit and saw how deep it was, they told the two frogs that there was no hope left for them.

However, the two frogs decided to ignore what the others were saying and they proceeded to try and jump out of the pit.

Despite their efforts, the group of frogs at the top of the pit were still saying that they should just give up.

That they would never make it out.

Eventually, one of the frogs took heed to what the others were saying and he gave up, falling down to his death.

The other frog continued to jump as hard as he could. Again, the crowd of frogs yelled at him to stop the pain and just die.

He jumped even harder and finally made it out.

When he got out, the other frogs said,

“Did you not hear us?”

The frog explained to them that he was deaf.

He thought they were encouraging him the entire time.

Moral of the story:

People’s words can have a big effect on others’ lives. Think about what you say before it comes out of your mouth.

A 72-year-old Edgar recently picked a new primary care physician.

After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, the doctor said Edgar was doing “fairly well” for his age.

A little concerned about that comment, Edgar couldn’t resist asking the doctor,

“Do you think I’ll live to be 80?”

The doctor asked,

“Well, do you smoke or drink beer?”

“Oh no,” Edgar replied, “I’ve never done either.”

Then the doctor asked,

“Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barb-qued ribs?”

Edgar said, “No, I’ve heard that all red meat is very unhealthful!”

“Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf?” the doctor asked.

“No, I don’t,” Edgar replied.

Then the doctor asked,

“Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or run around with women?”

“No,” Edgar said,

“I don’t do any of those things.”

The good doctor looked at Edgar and said,

“Then why the heck do you want to live to be 80?”