Daily Joke: Jokes Library

An elderly man, who had been hard of hearing for years, finally visits the doctor to get fitted with new hearing aids.

These cutting-edge devices promise to restore his hearing to 100%.

A month later, he returns for a follow-up appointment.

The doctor tests his hearing and says, “Your hearing is absolutely perfect! Your family must be overjoyed.”

With a grin, the man replies, “Oh, I haven’t mentioned the hearing aids to them.

I just sit back, listen to their conversations, and enjoy the show. So far, I’ve changed my will three times!”

The town decided to put on a Christmas carol performance, but there was some drama in the cast. The choir was a mess, the stage crew had forgotten the props, and the lead singer kept missing the high notes.

In the middle of “Silent Night,” the audience started to get restless, and little Timmy, sitting in the front row, loudly whispered,

“Mom, why is everyone singing so off-key?”

Mom, trying to hush him, said, “Timmy, just enjoy the Christmas spirit.”

But Timmy shouted, “I’m enjoying the Christmas chaos!”

Frosty the Snowman was tired of the cold, so he decided to take a vacation to Las Vegas. After a long, sunny plane ride, he checked into a hotel.

The bellhop looked at him in shock. “Uh, are you… sure you want to be in Vegas?”

Frosty grinned and said, “I’ve got a cool feeling about this!”

After a few days, Frosty had lost most of his snow, and his top hat was now a melted puddle.

He sighed, “Maybe it’s time for a cool getaway back home!”

On Christmas Eve, little Timmy made a wish that Santa would deliver the best gift ever. When he woke up the next morning, he ran downstairs to find… a giant pile of socks, mittens, and a sweater.

Timmy was disappointed and said, “Santa didn’t listen to my wish!”

His dad smiled and said, “Well, Timmy, the true Christmas miracle is warmth—and these socks will keep your feet cozy all year long!”

Timmy thought for a second, then grinned. “Next year, I’ll just ask for a heating pad!”

A father passing by his son’s bedroom, was astonished to see the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up.

Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow.

It was addressed, “Dad.”

With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands…

“Dear, Dad.

It is with great regret and sorrow that I’m writing you.

I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mum and you.

I’ve been finding real passion with Stacy, and she is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her because of her piercings,

tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am.

But it’s not only the passion, Dad.

She’s pregnant.

Stacy said that we will be very happy.

She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter.

In the meantime, we’ll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS, so Stacy can get better.

She sure deserves it!

Don’t worry, Dad.

I’m 15, and I know how to take care of myself.

Someday, I’m sure we’ll be back to visit, so you can get to know your many grandchildren.

Love, your son, Joshua.

P.S.
Dad, none of the above is true.
I’m over at Jason’s house.
I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report that’s on the kitchen table.
Call when it is safe for me to come home!