Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A husband got in big trouble after forgetting his wedding anniversary. His wife gave him an ultimatum: “Tomorrow there better be something in the driveway for me that goes from zero to 200 in two seconds flat.”

The next morning the man woke his wife, and urged her to look out the windowat the driveway. She did and let out a scream when she saw what he bought her … a bathroom scale.

A man is driving in America when he picks up a Navajo man hitchhiking. They are making small talk when the Navajo notices a brown paper bag with something in it. The driver notices his glance and explains, "That's a bottle of wine I got for my wife." The Navajo man nods solemnly, "Good trade."

A guy meets a girl out at a nightclub and she invites him back to her 
place for the night. Her parents are out of town and this is the perfect 
opportunity. 
They get back to her house and they go into her bedroom. When the guy 
walks in the door, he notices all these fluffy toys. There's hundreds of 
them, fluffy toys on top of the wardrobe, fluffy toys on the bookshelf and 
window sill, there's more on the floor, and of course fluffy toys all over 
the bed. 
Later after they've had sex, he turns to her and asks "So, how was I?" 
She says "Well ... you can take anything from the bottom shelf."

A college pizza delivery boy arrived at the house of Larry Johnson. He delivered the pizza to his trailer. After giving it to him, Larry asked: “What is the usual tip?”

“Well,” replied the youth, “this is my first trip here, but the other guys say if I get a quarter out of you, I’ll be doing great.” “Is that so?” snorted Larry. “Well, just to show them how wrong they are, here’s five dollars.”

“Thanks,” replied the youth, “I’ll put this in my school fund.”

“What are you studying in school?” asked Larry.

The lad smiled and said: “Applied psychology.”

An aged farmer and his wife were leaning against the edge of their pig-pen when the old woman wistfully recalled that the next week would mark their golden wedding anniversary.

“Let’s have a party, Homer,” she suggested. “Let’s kill a pig.”

The farmer scratched his grizzled head. “Gee, Ethel,” he finally answered, “I don’t see why the pig should take the blame for something that happened fifty years ago.”