Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A guy bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Christmas.
 A friend of his said, “I thought she wanted one of those sporty
4-Wheel drive vehicles.”
 “She did,” he replied. “But where in the hell was I gonna find a fake Jeep?”!

A man went to the Doctor and the doctor told him he had only 24 hours to live. He goes home to tell his wife and after they both had a long cry over it, he asked her if she would have sex with him since he only had 24 hours to live.

“Of course Darling,” she replied.

And so they have sex.

Four hours later they are lying in bed and he turns to her again and says, “you know I only have 20 hours to live, do you think we could do it again?”

Again she responds very sympathetically and agrees to have sex.

Another 8 hours pass, and she had fallen asleep from exhaustion. He taps her on the shoulder, and asks her again, “You know dear, I only have 12 more hours left, how about again for old times sake?”

By this time she is getting a little annoyed, but reluctantly agrees.

After they finish she goes back to sleep and 4 hours later, he taps her on the shoulder again and says, “Dear, I hate to keep bothering you but you know I only have 8 hours left before I die, can we do it one more time?”

She turns to him with a sour look on her face and says, “You know……. you don’t have to get up in the morning. I do!!!”

Hey why did the clown go to the hospital

( HE WAS FEELING A LITTLE FUNNY)

gimme skittles u old hag

Whats long and hard and full of semen?  a Submarine