Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A man comes home from work and finds his wife admiring her breasts in the mirror.

He asks, “What are you doing?”

She replies, “I went to the doctor today, and he told me I have the breasts of a 25 year old.”

The husband retorts, “Well, what did he say about your 50 year old ass?”

She replies, “Frankly dear, your name never came up.”

A state trooper pulled a car over and told the man driving that he was going 50 mph in a 40 mph zone. “I was only going 40!” the driver protested. “Not according to my radar,” the trooper said. “Yes, I was!” the man shouted back. “No you weren’t!” the trooper said. With that, the man’s wife leaned toward the window and said, ‘Officer, I should warn you not to argue with my husband when he’s been drinking.” 

Do you know why the armadillo was created?

So that the redneck can have possumn in the half shell.

When the canibals had their contest to see how many people they can eat, did one participant jump the gun so he could get a head start.

A father came home from a long business trip to find his son  riding a very fancy new 10 speed bike. “Where did you get the  money for the bike? It must have cost $300.”

“Easy, Dad,” the boy replied. “I earned it hiking.”

“Come on,” the father said. “Tell me the truth.”

“That is the truth,” the boy replied. “Every night you were gone,  Mr. Reynolds from the grocery store would come over to see  Mom. He’d give me a $20 bill and tell me to take a hike!”