02/16/2025 from Daily Jokes
#20157
A man was driving and saw a truck stalled on the side of the highway that had ten penguins standing next to it.
The man pulled over and asked the truck driver if he needed any help.
The truck driver replied, “If you can take these penguins to the zoo while I wait for AAA that will be great!”
The man agreed and the penguins hopped into the back of his car. Two hours later, the trucker was back on the road again and decided to check on the penguins.
He showed up at the zoo and they weren’t there! He headed back into his truck and started driving around the town, looking for any sign of the penguins, the man, or his car.
While driving past a movie theater, the truck driver spotted the guy walking out with the ten penguins.
The truck driver yelled, “What are you doing? You were supposed to take them to the zoo!”
The man replied, “I did and then I had some extra money so I took them to go see a movie.”
02/14/2025 from Daily Jokes
#20154
Three bulls heard that the rancher was going to bring another bull onto the ranch, and the prospect raised a discussion among them.
The first bull says, “Boys, we all know I’ve been here for 5 years. Once we settled our differences, we agreed on which 100 of the cows would be mine. Now, I don’t know where this newcomer is going to get HIS cows, but I ain’t’ givin’ him any of mine.”
The second bull says, “That pretty much says it for me, too. I’ve been here 3 years and have earned my right to the 50 cows we’ve agreed are mine. I’ll fight him till I run him off or kill ‘im, but I’M KEEPIN’ ALL MY COWS.”
The third bull says, “I’ve only been here a year, and so far you guys have only let me have 10 cows to “take care of”. I may not be as big as you fellows yet, but I am young and virile, so I simply MUST keep all MY cows.”
They had just finished their big talk when an eighteen-wheeler pulls up in the middle of the pasture with only ONE ANIMAL IN IT: the biggest Son-of-Another-Bull these guys had ever seen!
At 4700 pounds, each step he took toward the ground strained the steel ramp to the breaking point.
The first bull says, “Ahem…You know, it’s actually been some time since I really felt I was doing all my cow’s justice, anyway. I think I can spare a few for our new friend.”
The second bull says, “I’ll have plenty of cows to take care of if I just stay on the opposite end of the pasture from HIM. I’m certainly not looking for an argument.”
They look over at their young friend, the third bull, and find him pawing the dirt, shaking his horns, and snorting up a storm.
The first bull says, “Son, let me give you some advice real quick. Let him have some of your cows and live to tell about it.”
The third bull says, “Heck, he can have ALL my cows. I’m just making sure he knows I’m a bull!”
02/13/2025 from Daily Jokes
#20151
The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees wasn’t in and had not phoned in sick one day.
Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers, he dialed the employee’s home phone number and was greeted with a child’s whisper:
“Hello?”
“Is your daddy home?” He asked.
“Yes.” Whispered the small voice.
May I talk with him?”
The child whispered. “No.”
Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked. “Is your Mommy there?”
“Yes .”
“May I talk with her?”
Again the small voice whispered. “No.”
Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked.
“Is anybody else there?”
“Yes.” Whispered the child. “A policeman.”
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee’s home, the boss asked.
“May I speak with the policeman?”
“No, he’s busy.” Whispered the child.
“Busy doing what?”
“Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman.” Came the whispered answer.
Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked.
“What is that noise?”
“A helicopter.” Answered the whispering voice.
“What is going on there?” Demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.
Again, whispering, the child answered.
“The search team just landed a helicopter.”
Alarmed, concerned, and a little frustrated the boss asked:
“What are they searching for?”
Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle…
“Me.”
02/12/2025 from Daily Jokes
#20146
Two elderly ladies have been friends for decades.
Over the years, they partook in many activities and adventures together.
Lately, their activities have been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.
One day when they were playing cards, one looked at the other and said:
“Now don’t get mad at me – I know we’ve been friends for a long time, but I just can’t think of your name. I’ve thought and thought, but I can’t remember it. Please tell me what it is.”
Her friend glared at her for a few minutes before replying,
“How soon do you need to know?”
02/11/2025 from Daily Jokes
#20142
Traveling through the country, an old couple drives into a gas station.
The attendant asks the old man,
“Where you folks from? I know everybody in this town.”
The old man says, “We’re from Nebraska.”
Hard of hearing, the old lady nudges her husband,
“What did he say, Papa ?”
The old man answers her,
“He asked us where we are from.”
“Oh,” replies the old woman.
The old man tells the attendant to fill up the tank and check the tires.
When that’s all done, the attendant tells the old man,
“You know, the worst piece of *** I ever had was from Nebraska.”
The old lady nudges her husband once more and asks,
“What did he say, Papa ?”
The husband replies, “He thinks he knows you, mama.”