Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A man calls the hospital. He shouts into the receiver, “You gotta send some help, and fast! My wife’s going into labor!”

The nurse says, “Calm down. Is this her first child?”

“No!” he shouts back. “This is her husband!”

“I’m beginning to think that my lawyer is too interested in making money.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Listen to this from his bill: ‘For waking up at night and thinking about your case: $250′.”

The Baltimore Police Department, famous for its superior K-9 unit, was somewhat taken aback by a recent incident.

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.

The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels, and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first on the scene. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, clapped a hand to her head and moaned, “I come home from work to find all my possessions stolen, I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send a BLIND policeman!”

A lady came to the hospital to visit a friend. She had not been in a hospital for several years and felt very ignorant about all the new technology. A technician followed her onto the elevator, wheeling a large, intimidating looking machine with tubes and wires and dials. “Boy, would I hate to be hooked up to that thing,” she said.

“So would I,” replied the technician. “It’s a floor-cleaning machine.”

The car was pulled over by a highway patrolwoman for speeding.

As the officer was writing the ticket, she noticed several machetes in the car. “What are those for?” she asked suspiciously.

“I’m a juggler,” the man replied. “I use those in my act.”

“Well, show me,” the officer demanded.

The juggler took out the machetes and started juggling them; first three, then more until he was tossing seven at one time, overhand, underhand, behind the back, putting on a dazzling show in the breakdown lane and amazing the officer.

Just then, another car passed by. The driver did a double take, and said, “My God. I’ve got to give up drinking! Look at the test they’re giving now.”