Daily Joke: Jokes Library

Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the last instruction of the Mother Superior was that they must not get even a drop of paint on their habits. After conferring about this for a while, the two nuns decide to lock the door of the room, strip off their habits, and paint in the nude. In the middle of the project, there was a knock at the door. “Who is it?” called one of the nuns.

“Blind man,” replied a voice from the other side of the door. The two nuns look at each other and shrug, deciding that no harm can come from letting a blind man into the room; they open the door.

“Nice boobs,” said the man. “Where do you want these venetian blinds to be hung?”

I bought a new fridge to get rid of the old, I put it on my front yard and hung a sign : “Free to good home. You want it, you take it.”

For three days the fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it.

I changed the sign to read : “Fridge for sale $50.” The next day it was stolen.

A woman phoned her dentist when she received a huge bill. “I’m shocked!” she complained. “This is three times what you normally charge.”

“Yes, I know,” said the dentist. “But you yelled so loud, you scared away two other patients.”

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked a young engineer who was fresh out of MIT, “What starting salary were you thinking about?”

The Engineer said, “In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.”

The interviewer said, “Well, what would you say to a package of 5 weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years – say, a red Corvette?”

The Engineer sat up straight and said, “Wow! Are you kidding?”

The interviewer replied, “Yeah, but you started it.”

An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that time.

“I have good news and bad news,” the owner replied. “The good news is that a gentleman enquirer about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings.”

“That’s wonderful,” the artist exclaimed. “What’s the bad news?”

“The guy was your doctor…”