Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A preacher on his deathbed summoned his doctor and his lawyer. They came, and he asked them to sit on either side of his bed and hold his hands.

They sat thus for a long while until the doctor stirred and said, ”You don’t have long on this earth, Reverend. Better tell us why you asked us to come.”

The old preacher stirred himself wheezed and said ”Well, Jesus died between two thieves, and that’s the way I want to go too.”

An elderly couple was attending church services.

About halfway through she leans over and says to her husband.

“I just let out a silent fart. What do you think I should do?”

He replies, “Put a new battery in your hearing aid.”’

Four retired ladies are playing bridge.

One of them looks across at her partner and says, “I know we’ve been playing bridge every week for two years, but I can’t remember your name. Could you please tell me again?”

Her partner looks at her for a long moment and finally replies, “How soon do you need to know?”

An elderly gent was invited to his old friends’ home for dinner one evening. He was impressed by the way his buddy addressed his wife with endearing terms-calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc.

The couple had been married almost 70 years, and they appeared still very clearly in love. While the wife was off in the kitchen, the man leaned over and said to his buddy,

“I think it’s wonderful that, after all the years you’ve been married, you still call your wife those loving pet names.”

The old man hung his head. “I have to tell you the truth, he said. “I forgot her name about ten years ago.”

While playing in the backyard, Little Johnny kills a honeybee.  His father sees him killing the honeybee and angrily says, “No honey for you for one month!”

Later that afternoon, Johnny’s dad catches him tearing the wings off a butterfly.  “That’s it! No butter for you for one month!” says his dad.

Later that evening as Johnny’s mother cooks dinner, a cockroach run across the kitchen floor.  She jumps and stomps on it, and then looks up to find Little Johnny and her husband watching her. Little Johnny looks at his father and says, “Are you going to tell her, Dad, or do you want me to?”