Daily Joke: Jokes Library

My three-year-old daughter stuck out her hand and said, “Look at the fly I killed, Mommy.”

Since she was eating a juicy pickle at the time, I thrust her contaminated hands under the faucet and washed them with antibacterial soap. After sitting her down to finish her pickle, I asked, with a touch of awe, “How did you kill that fly all by yourself?”

Between bites, she said, “I hit it with my pickle.”

There are three kinds of men in this world…

Some remain single and make wonders happen.

Some have girlfriends and see wonders happen.

The rest get married and wonder what happened???

My husband was trying to embarrass me at a party by carrying on about all the stuff women carry in their purses.

Instead of blushing I said, “You’re right. There IS too much stuff in my purse.” So, I removed his wallet, cigarettes, lighter, and car keys and handed them to him.

When he asked what he was supposed to do with them, I smile and said, “Get your own purse!”

At a party of professionals, a doctor was having difficulty socializing. Everyone wanted to describe their symptoms and get an opinion about diagnosis. The doctor turned to a lawyer acquaintance and asked, “How do you handle people who want advice outside of the office?”

“Simple,” answered the lawyer, “I send them a bill. That stops it.”

The next day, the doctor, still feeling a bit reserved about what he had just finished doing, opened his mailbox to send out the bills. Much to his surprise, there sat a bill from the lawyer.

Carlos told his wife he wanted a guitar to play while sitting in the Jacuzzi.

The next day she bought him an electric guitar.