Daily Joke: Jokes Library

An Indian boy goes to his mother one day with a puzzled look on his face.

“Say Mom, why is my bigger brother named Mighty Storm”?

“Because he was conceived during a mighty storm”, she said.

Then he asked “Why is my sister named Cornflower”?

“Well your father and I were in a cornfield when we made her”, she replied.

He then asked “And why is my other sister called Moonchild”?

“We were watching the moon-landing when she was conceived”, the mother replies.

The mother paused and said to her son… “Tell me, Torn Rubber, why are you so curious?”

My wife has a tendency to go off on random tangents sometimes.

In her atypical fashion, she decided that we both needed to get fit, so off we went on a backpacking holiday.

After eight days on a series of trails in the wilderness, my wife and I both started to look a little rough around the edges.

One morning, she came to breakfast in a baseball cap, her shoulder-length hair sticking out at odd angles.

“Darling,” she said, “does my hair make me look like a water buffalo?”

I thought for a moment, then said: “If I tell you the truth, do you promise not to charge?”

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables. And when he picked up a jewelry box to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying:

“Jesus is watching you.”

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, then clicked the light on and began searching for more valuables. After just a few seconds, clear as a bell, he heard:

“Jesus is watching you.”

Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.

“Did you say that?” He hissed at the parrot.

“Yep,” the parrot confessed, then squawked, “I’m just trying to warn you.”

The burglar relaxed. “Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?”

“Moses,” replied the bird.

“Moses?” The burglar laughed. “What kind of people would name a bird Moses?”

Suddenly, he felt a giant shadow materializing behind him.

“The kind of people who would name a Rottweiler Jesus.”

While her husband was busy at work one day, a bored housewife took a lover into her bedroom for some illicit fun, completely unaware that her nine year old son was silently hiding in the closet. And when her husband came home unexpectedly, she desperately hid her forbidden lover in the very same closet. The boy now had company, and broke the ice by whispering into the man’s ear:

“Dark in here, isn’t it, sir.”
Man: “Yes it is.”
Boy: “I have a baseball.”
Man: “That’s nice.”

Boy: “Want to buy it?”
Man: “No, thanks.”
Boy: “My dad’s right outside.”
Man: “OK, how much?”
Boy: “250 dollars.”

After a few weeks, it happened again – the boy’s father came home early, and the boy and the mom’s lover ended up in the closet together.

Boy: “Dark in here.”
Man: “Yes, it is.”
Boy: “I have a baseball glove.”
Man: “That’s nice.”
Boy: “Want to buy it?”
Man: “I really don’t.”
Boy: “I’ll tell.”
Man: “How much?”
Boy: “750 dollars.”
Man: “Fine.”

A few days later, the father said to his boy, “Grab your glove. Let’s go outside and toss the baseball!” The boy said, “I can’t. I sold them.” The father asked, “How much did you sell them for?” The son said, “1,000 dollars.” The father said, “That’s terrible to over-charge your friends like that. That is way more than those two things cost. I’m going to take you to church and make you confess.”

They went to church and the father alerted the priest, and made the little boy sit in the confession booth and closed the door.
The boy said, “Dark in here.”

The priest said, “Oh, don’t start that again!”

Two cannibals, a father and son, were elected by the tribe to go out and get something to eat. They walked deep into the jungle and waited by a path.

Before long, along came this little old man. The son said, “OOh dad, there’s one.”

“No,” said the father. “There’s not enough meat on that one to feed the dogs. We’ll just wait.”

Well, a little while later, along came this really fat woman. The son said, “Hey dad, she’s plenty big enough.”

“No,” the father said. “We’d all die of a heart attack from the fat in that one. We’ll just wait.”

About an hour later, here comes this absolutely gorgeous woman. The son said, “Now there’s nothing wrong with that one dad. Let’s eat her.”

“No,” said the father. “We’ll not eat her either.”

“Why not?” asked the son.

“Because, we’re going to take her back alive and eat your mother.”