Daily Joke: Jokes Library

Three little lads were on their way home from school when one of them noticed a red Ferrari parked at the side of the road.

He said: “When I’m older I’m going to get a great job and buy one of them.”

The second lad said: “I am going to university to get a great education, and a great job and buy one also.”

The third lad says: “I’m going to get a job like my sister.”

The other two asked what she did.

“She’s a prostitute.”

“What’s a prostitute?” the other two ask.

“I don’t know, but that’s my sister’s car.”

One day a college professor of Psychology was greeting his new college class.

He stood up in front of the class and said, “Would everyone who thinks he or she is stupid please stand up?”

After a minute or so of silence, a young man stood up.

“Well, good morning. So, you actually think you’re a moron?” the professor asked.

The kid replied, “No sir, I just didn’t want to see you standing there all by yourself.”

One Monday morning, a postman was walking through a neighborhood on his usual route delivering the mail. As he approached one of the homes, he noticed that both cars were still in the driveway.

His curiosity was cut short by Craig, the homeowner, coming out with a load of empty beer, wine and spirit bottles for the recycling bin.

“Wow Craig, looks like you guys had one hell of a party last night,” the postman commented.

Craig, in obvious pain, replied: “Actually we had it Saturday night. This is the first time I have felt like moving since 4 am Sunday morning. We had about 15 couples from around the neighborhood over for some weekend fun and it got a bit wild. We all got so drunk around midnight that we started playing WHO AM I?”

The postman thought for a moment and said: “How do you play WHO AM I?”

‘Well, all the guys go in the bedroom and come out one at a time covered with a sheet with only the ‘family jewels’ showing through a hole in the sheet. Then the women try to guess who it is.”

The postman laughed and said, “Sounds like fun. I’m sorry I missed it.”

“Probably a good thing you did,” Craig responded. “Your name came up seven times.”

A man walks into a bar, he sees two pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling. He asks the barman, “Why are those two pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling?”

The barman replies, “It’s a competition which we run every night. If you can jump up and touch the meat, you get free drinks for the whole night.”

“Great!” says the man, “but what if I can’t reach them?”

“Then you have to buy all the drinks for everyone all night,” the barman answers.

“Do you want to try?”

“No, but thanks anyway.”

“Why not?”, asks the barman.

“The steaks are too high.”

A woman and man got into a car accident. Both of their cars were badly damaged, but amazingly neither of them were hurt.

After they crawled out of the wreckage, the woman said: “Wow, look at our cars – there’s nothing left! Thank God we are all right. This must be a sign from Him that we should be friends and not try to pin the blame on each other.”

The man replied: “Oh yes, I agree with you completely.”

The woman pointed to a bottle on the ground and said: “Here’s another miracle. Somehow this bottle of whisky from my back seat didn’t break. Surely God wants us to drink it and celebrate our good fortune.”

Then she handed the bottle to the man. The man nodded his head in agreement, opened it, and drank about a third of the bottle to calm his nerves. He then handed it back to the woman. The woman took the bottle, immediately put the cap back on, and handed it back to the man.

The man asked: “Aren’t you having any?”

The woman replied: “No. I think I’ll just wait for the police – I’ll let them decide whose fault it is.”