Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A man who was always rude to his wife asked some friends to come along with him to say goodbye to her just before she was supposed to fly on a work trip to Sweden.

In the departure hall at the airport and in the presence of everyone, the husband wished his wife a good trip, and in a sarcastic tone he added loudly: “My dear, don’t forget to bring me back a beautiful swede.” And laughed.

The woman looked down and boarded the plane hurt and offended.

Fifteen days later and before her return, the husband again asked his friends to accompany him to the airport to meet his wife.

As soon as he saw her enter the terminal he shouted at her: “My dear, did you bring me a little Swede?”
“I did my best, darling,” said the woman. “Now all that is left is to pray and hope that the baby born will be a girl!”

A young pastor moved to town and decided he would go around and introduce himself to the new congregation. He rang the first doorbell and a lady came to the door. She stared at him as he introduced himself.

She said, “I can’t believe how much you look like Conway Twitty, the country music singer.”

He replied, “Yes, ma’am, I hear that a lot.”

He went to the next house and the next, and every lady that came to the door said the same thing—that he looked like Conway Twitty.

At the last house, a shapely young lady came to the door with a towel around her. He started to introduce himself, but she loosened her towel, threw her arms in the air, and screamed, “Conway Twitty!”

The pastor stood there, stunned. He paused for a moment, then said, “Why, hello dear…”

Not too long ago, there was a woman who wanted to know how her husband would react if she left without telling him where she had gone. She decided to write him a letter saying she was tired of him and didn’t want to live with him anymore. After writing the letter, she put it on the table in the bedroom and then climbed under the bed to hide until her husband got home. When he eventually came back home, he saw the letter on the table and read it.

After a few moments of silence, he picked up the pen and added something to the letter. Then he started to get changed, whistling happy tunes and singing and dancing while he did so. He grabbed his phone and dialed a number. His wife listened from under the bed as he started chatting with someone.

“Hey babe, I’m just changing clothes then I will join you,” he said. “As for the other fool, it finally dawned on her that I was fooling around on her and left. I was really wrong to have married her; I wish you and I had met earlier. See you soon, honey!”

Then he hung up and walked out of the room.

In tears and very upset, she climbed out from under the bed and stumbled over to read what her unfaithful husband had written on the end of her letter.

Through teary and bleary eyes, she read:

I could see your feet you idiot, I am going out to buy some bread.”

A woman went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00. “Why so cheap?” she asked the pet store owner. The owner looked at her and said, “Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a brothel, and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff.”

The woman thought about this, but decided she wanted the bird anyway. She took it home, hung the parrot’s cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something. The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, “New house, new madam.” The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought “that’s not so bad.”

When her two teenage daughters returned from school. The bird saw them and said, “New house, new madam, new girls.” The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation.

Moments later, the woman’s husband came home from work. The bird looked at him and said, “New house, new madam, new girls – old clients!”