10/15/2018 from Daily Jokes
#12002
A wife went to the police station with her next-door neighbor to report that her husband was missing.
The policeman asked for a description.
She said, “He’s 35 years old, 6 foot 4, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is soft-spoken, and is good to the children.”
The next-door neighbor immediately saw a problem with this, and began to protest:
“Your husband is 5 foot 4, chubby, bald, has a big mouth, and is mean to your children.”
The wife replied, “Yes, but who wants HIM back?”
10/14/2018 from Daily Jokes
#11999
Bill and Marla thought that they had discovered a genius way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their 12-year-old son in the apartment.
He was promptly sent out on the balcony and told to report on all the neighborhood activities.
The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation.
“There’s a car being towed from the parking lot,” he said.
“An ambulance just drove by.” A few moments passed.
“Looks like the Andersons have company,” he called out.
“Matt’s riding a new bike, and the Coopers are having sex.”
Mom and Dad shot up in bed.
“How do you know that?” the startled father asked.
“Their kid is standing out on the balcony too,” his son replied.
10/13/2018 from Daily Jokes
#11997
Jokes are great, but there’s nothing like remembering a few hilarious one liners to liven up any conversation!
What do cows do for entertainment?
They rent moovies !
What do you call a camal with 3 humps?
Humphreys
What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan.
If a turtle doesnt have a shell, is it naked or homeless ?
What do you call a fish with no eye ?
FSH!
What do you call a deer with no eyes ?
I have no I-Deer
What is invisable and smells like carrots?
A Rabbit’s flatulance.
What is a dogs favourite school subject?
“Dog-Ruff-E ”
What does a fish say when it runs into a wall?
DAMn!
Why was the Energizer Bunny arrested?
He was charged with battery.
Why are there no asprins in the jungle?
Because the Parots-ate-em-all
What’s the difference between a woman with PMS and a Pitt Bull?
Lipstick
10/12/2018 from Daily Jokes
#11993
A married man decided to work late to be with his young secretary, so he called his wife to make up an excuse.
After work, he invited his secretary to dinner.
It soon became obvious that he was going to get lucky, so the two went back to her apartment and had sex for two hours.
Afterward, the fellow went to the bathroom to straighten up for the trip home and noticed a huge hickey on his neck.
He panicked, wondering what he was going to tell his wife.
After the man unlocked his front door, his dog came bounding to greet him.
Aha, the man thought, and promptly fell to the carpet, pretending to fight off the affectionate animal.
Holding his neck with one hand, he said, “Honey, look what the dog did to my neck!”
“Hell, that’s nothing” she answered, ripping open her blouse.
“Look what he did to my breasts!”
10/11/2018 from Daily Jokes
#11990
A minister decided to try something a little different one Sunday morning.
He said, “Today, in church, I am going to say a single word and you are going to help me preach. Whatever single word I say, I want you to sing whatever hymn comes to your mind.”
The pastor shouted out, “Cross!” Immediately the congregation started singing in unison “The Old Rugged Cross.”
The pastor hollered out, “Grace!”
The congregation began to sing “Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound.”
The pastor said, “Power!”
The congregation sang “There is Power in the Blood.”
The Pastor said, “Sex!”
The congregation fell in total silence.
Everyone was in shock.
They all nervously began to look around at each other, afraid to say anything.
Then all of a sudden, from the back of the church, a little old 87-year-old grandmother stood up and began to sing “Precious Memories.”