Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A man went on a business trip to China and wanted to buy some gifts for his kids.

He went to a shop and found a nice looking CD player.

Wary of buying inferior goods, he asked the shopkeeper, ‘What happens if this doesn’t work?’

The shopkeeper quietly points to the only sign in English that reads, ‘GUARANTEE NO SPOILED’.

Feeling assured, he paid for the CD player and returns to his hotel.

He tried to use the CD player after returning to the hotel but it wouldn’t even switch on.

He quickly returned to the shop and asked for a refund or an exchange for another unit.

When the shopkeeper refuses to give either, the man points to the sign assuring him of the guarantee.

The shopkeeper then said, ‘Brother, you are in China. We read from the right to the left.’

One day, there were two boys playing by a stream.

One boy went over to the bush to check out some noises.

He pointed out a woman bathing naked in the steam.

So, both boys decided to stay and watch her.

All of a sudden the second boy took off running.

The first boy couldn’t understand why he ran away, so he took off after his friend.

Finally, he caught up to him and asked his friend why he had run away.

The second boy said to his friend, “My mum told me that if I ever saw a naked lady, I’d turn to stone.”

“I felt something getting hard, so I ran.”

A blonde wanting to earn extra money decided to do odd jobs for her wealthy neighbors.

At the first house, the owner said, “Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?

“$50” she replies.

The man agrees and gives her the paint and brushes and goes back in the house.

The man’s wife overheard their conversation and asked him if she had realized that the porch goes all around the house.

“She should. She was standing on it”

A short time later the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

“You’ve finished already?” the man asked.

“Yeah, and I had paint left over so I painted two coats.”

Impressed the man reaches for the money.

“And by the way,” the blonde added, “it’s not a porch. It’s a Lexus.”

A group of guys were chatting with a good-looking blonde and, somewhat improbably, asked her to climb this pole that was conveniently nearby.

For whatever reason, she decided to do it.

When she told her mother what happened, her mother scolded her:

“Don’t you understand that they only wanted to see your underwear?”

The girl was understandably upset at being very stupid and naive and decided to show those boys a thing or two.

The next day, they repeated their request, and when she came home she was beaming.

“What are you so happy about?” asked her mother.

“I totally showed them. Today I didn’t even WEAR underwear!”

In a land far, far away, there was a Christian parish that had many attendees.

There was a priest who was part of it that used to give out miniature palm crosses that he made by hand.

One Sunday, he announced that he would be giving them out.

The congregation in the church that day reacted with glee.

“Put this cross in the room where your family argues most,” he advised.

“When you look at it, the cross will remind you that God is watching.”

When the parishioners were leaving the church, a woman walked up to the priest, shook his hand and said, “I’ll take five.”